Posts Tagged ‘Nigel Lythgoe’
Nigel Lythgoe needs to rethink the way he confronts criminals with outstanding warrants, because sitting down with them in a green room on some comfy couches is not the way to go about it.
I want to see some doors kicked in, dogs barking, babies crying and Cheetos flying.
What was that shit?? The crazy tall black man didn’t even try to runaway. No epic car chase that ends in a flip???
LAME!
-Rocco
American Idol Needs Ratings *Fingers Crossed* Heejun Han Is The One Going To Jail
Posted on: March 14, 2012
(Ed. Note: We know who got kicked off… it was one of the giants like I said below, but still read this because it’s fun to imagine)
American Idol is in dire need of ratings so on Wednesday show they are going to air footage of one of the top 12 contestants being confronted by the producers and getting kicked off the show. Apparently, Idol doesn’t want any violent offenders on the show.
Sources connected with the show tell us … the contestant – one of the final 12 — was charged with 2 crimes in 2011, one involving violence. We’re told in both cases the contestant gave a fake name to cops when arrested.
In addition, we’re told the contestant has outstanding warrants — again, the singer concealed it from producers.
We’re told the contestant was confronted with the information on camera today and the footage will air on Wednesday’s show.
Do they really need to air this? This sounds a little desperate and pathetic. But that’s Nigel Lythgoe so big fat duh!
Anyway, I need this to be Heejun because nothing in this world would sent me into a gigglepalooza quite like that.
Listen. I love Heejun Han, but how funny would that be seeing him getting carted away in handcuffs for concealing crimes from the producers of American Idol.
THAT WOULD BE FUNNY!
I mean, he would totally just Houdini himself out of the handcuffs and BAM! spin-off show for Fox! (PS Fox… I want my cut of this!)
Plus, Heejun is the most gangster out of anyone on that show…
Or it could be one of the contestants that is 7 feet tall.
*edit* It was one of the giants…. told you.
Giant killer man: I could kill you, Ryan. Ryan: I just peed *hehe*
-Rocco
People who behave exactly like toddlers (i.e cry and/or throw articles of clothing) who are above the age of toddlers most likely are into cocaine. It’s just a scientific fact that Leonardo DiCaprio taught me in The Basketball Diaries. Don’t blame me… blame drug addicts and science for coming together and conceiving a fact!
Lady Gaga was a guest judge on So You Think You Can Dance because 1) she’s a super awesome dancer and 2) she’s probably sleeping with Nigel Lythgoe after a drug binge (or before?).
You can watch these people dance if you want (let me know if you cry… if so, I’ll call Promises Rehabilitation Center for ya!) or you can just cut to 2:25 to make fun of Lady Gaga like I did.
1) That is the shortest man I’ve ever seen. I didn’t know Nigel Lythgoe was now employing children for child labor dancing.
2) WHY IS LADY GAGA CRYING?!?!??! Too bad the tears didn’t wipe off the piece of poop on her face. Or fly up and smear her eyebrows. That would actually make me cry.
WHY IS EVERYONE CRYING?!?!? Am I a heartless wench? Maybe. But when I cry, it usually ends in someone throwing my a tissue and telling me to get myself together quickly because crying on the 6 train is inappropriate. Not applause. Double standard.
*edit* I can’t find video of her throwing her shoe… but I heard that happened. If not, I don’t retract a word of what I said above.
-Rocco
Maybe Nigel is confused, which is obviously the case, because I’m one of those people who believe he lives in a meth house in LA. I mean, even for a Brit his teeth seem a little off to me.
I'll do anything for Pia!
Anyway, American Idol had the genius idea of promoting American Idol season 11 by creating a 30 second promo spot that is just like taking a Lunesta; it involves Pia Toscano.
That’s all sweet and everything, but girl came in 9th place. Like she almost didn’t make it to the tour.
What about my little buttermilk biscuit angel that is Scotty McCreery?? Is “Love You This Big” not inspiring enough. Try and tell that to the cowboys in North Carolina.
I guess the point is anyone who is having trouble sleeping should watch this promo, not feel bad for the socialite of NYC that is Pia Toscano and then maybe audition for American Idol after you have a nice slumber.
-Rocco
I just did this into the mirror:
Minwa161 and LadyMcTech put me up to this fake competition between all things that are holy to me. (I’m just thankful Oprah isn’t involved) I will be sending those two my hospital bills when I finally have a thrombosis and life long high blood pressure over Cooper’s enchanting eyes, Lee D’s captivating locks, and the shoes on both their feet! *sob*
But seriously… competition time!!!
1) The Coopster. Sexiest man alive? Most likely. Great actor?? Let’s just say so for these purposes. Eyes that could kill a small horse, but then revive it with one simple wink?? YES!
SEE HIS FEET!?!?!? Converse!! Chucks! I can’t think of another nickname for them… but he has them on his feet.
You know who else wears those sneakers with such passion and ferocity??
2) LEE BEAR!
And for some reason I have a close up of his feet in this post HERE (seriously read that… I’m out of my mind) because I’m a complete weirdo and I apologize to Lee D’s feet, the right one… not the left one.
Who’s the winner???
1) They both have awesome hair. Look at the way Coop’s hair gracefully falls on his forehead. And look at Lee D’s…. perfectly coiffed into an upright position like a soldier.
2) Stylish outfits. Coop can’t go wrong with a nautical striped shirt and leather jacket and Lee D can never EVER go wrong with that perfection of a piped blazer.
3) Now the shoes: Lee D go get your shoes shined. I can see my future with Bradley Cooper in his shoes because they are so shiny, and all I can see is the filth from Nigel Lythgoe’s gingivitis on yours. (I don’t even know what that means by the way)
AGHHH! WHO WINS!!?? Dirty versus clean; is that what it has to come down to???
I thought that was fitting to break the tension….. did it???
Ughhh. Rocco. How can you not choose me!? I'm pained by this.
Rocco... I will hypnotize you with my piercing blue eyes until you say my name!
I just can’t do it. You guys decide.
My only solution is that Lee D and The Coop live together for 7 or more years and then common law marriage will take over and they can share their sneakers and the adorable Korean baby they will inevitably adopt.
I’m available to babysit and then have an affair with The Coop and play scrabble with Lee D.
-Rocco
PS I wonder if Lee D saw The Hangover II and I wonder if he liked it?? Things like this keep me up at night.
Listen. I know a lot of you hate American Idol and are writing hate mail to Nigel Lythgoe right now, but you can’t hate on Lauren Alaina or Scotty McCreery for being the finalists. Buuuut I can blame them for dressing really dumb (*ahem* Lauren!) and for just being super country and awesome. <— that one is for Scotty!
SCOTTY PLAYA PLAYA WON!!
Aww Scotty. You are adorable. That was a good reaction, but what was even better was he got to sing that awesome song “Love You This Big”. It’s my new karaoke jam. I can’t wait to drunkenly sing that in the best baritone voice I can produce. That shit gets stuck in your head. Just writing the title, I’m belting it out right now.
Another awesome part was when he’s hugging his whole family and some other old, white guys, everyone totally thought he was going to hug Jack Black because he was at the end of the line. Even Jack Black thought so. NOT!
AWESOME!
Oh and I’m gonna need Scotty to court Lauren. My American Idol love story did happen!
-Rocco
Listen… I know sometimes I make jokes about people, but I feel that the people I make fun of deserve it. Kind of like now.
Nigel Lythgoe is still going on and on about Pia Toscano (no one cares anymore) to get in the press, and since he knows Simon Cowell and X Factor will do well and there is nothing he can do about it, he decided to say harsh things about NBC’s The Voice.
“After the initial stage of that, the gag’s over,” he said. “I mean that’s it. Once you’ve chosen your people, you know what they look like and then it’s straight mentoring. I don’t know the program, but the concept is you choose the voice by not seeing them. So you can pick a Susan Boyle—Shrek’s older sister, you can pick the voice and then you mentor that person. So once that first initial week is over, then it becomes a normal mentoring show.”
He just called Susan Boyle Shrek’s sister. Ummm?? Let’s be more of a jerk. Please. And look who’s talking… you can’t call someone ugly if you can’t win a beauty pageant yourself. Just saying.
Oh and this is my absolute favorite, when he compares the minutia of American Idol and all the problems around the world.
“There are always conspiracy theories, but you know we are so careful,” Nigel said. “[Voting is] done through AT&T and we get the results. It’s done so openly. We’ve got all the terrible things happening around the world with Libya, with Japan and what’s everyone talking about? ‘How did Pia get voted off?’”
Well Nigel, the last time I checked you won’t shut up about all the “drama” you create on American Idol, so why don’t you start talking about the real problems of the world? Don’t sit there and pretend like that’s what you’re concerned about.
This man really annoys me if you couldn’t already tell.
-Rocco
I’m 167% positive that there was a zombie/vampire/monster themed Ford video last season because I use this Lee D. vampire picture as much as possible, because I love it and because I broke the news that Lee D. is a Taylor Lautner fan.
- Evidence of Nigel Lythgoe running out of ideas and Lee D’s Taylor Lautner fandom.
Anyway, since Nigel Lythgoe is an uncreative wench, he made the idols this season look like zombies.
James Durbin now even looks more a part of The Goonies.
I’m glad my two loves are sans zombie makeup. I don’t like to think of them as the undead. That’s not a turn on.
I’m not even going to make the most obvious joke about Jacob Lusk in this picture, but this is the funniest thing to me. And why he isn’t on Bravo is beyond me.
Get some new ideas Lythgoe.
-Rocco
American Idol Is Kinda Sorta Racist
Posted on: April 1, 2011
I receive this text last night from my BFF, Tin.
LMAOOOO! Fantasia is singing about cornbread
I think everyone in the world sent that text to somebody.
1) She looks like that girl from Jessica Rabbit in her dumb dress.
2) I can not understand a word she says when she speaks. Why does her voice sound like that? How can anyone take her seriously?
3) I wish I couldn’t understand what she was saying while she was singing because I’m pretty sure the song was a recipe for collard greens and cornbread.
4) I just don’t get it. And I especially don’t get her blonde weave.
And then the best marketing for a movie came on stage in the form of Jamie Foxx and Will I Am. I think this song was called chicken wings or something, but it was pretty much another stereotype.
1) I really want to see Rio now.
2) Don’t even tell me Naima wasn’t on that stage. She might have even choreographed that number for all I know.
I’m not even black and I was offended. But then again let’s remember who is producing this show… a rich, white (ugly?) man.
do those colored folk have anymore recipes?
-Rocco
Swear to Oprah that’s happen. Take a guess what the name of the song is???
You’ll never guess. “Collard Greens and Cornbread”.
I really hope I fall asleep during next week’s American Idol results show… because that is just ridiculous.
Also, Will I Am will be back with his plastic head-gear to sing a song about food as well. Guess what the name of that song is??
You’ll never guess. It’s called “Hot Wings (I Wanna Party)”. The hot wings part isn’t even in parentheses, so that means it’s actually about hot wings right?? Gross.
I'm hungry!
Ummmm if Nigel Lythgoe doesn’t serve the audience next week a full course soul food meal…. they may just murder him.
It’s like the Cracker Barrel edition of American Idol.
-Rocco
