Rocco's Pop Revolution: Seen through the eyes of someone living it

Posts Tagged ‘Pia Toscano

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Anyway, there was an American Idol reunion that I wasn’t invited to live tweet/blog/instagram which is totally bullshit, but actually I’m glad I wasn’t there.

If I was there I would just have to school Pia in Instagram.

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1)Lee D looks like someone colored in his beard with Magna Doodle magnet ash (but his hair looks great).

2) Stefano looks like a giant douche bro, which is not really too far from the truth. I assume and allegedly. (don’t sue me).

3) Pia looks like she’s taking a pee with a very painful UTI.

4) And Casey Abrams looks like Jesus in a really awkward filter.

LEARN TO UTILIZE THE INSTAGRAM FILTERS!!!

-Rocco

What I’m about to tell you is something James Franco wishes he thought of before some reject from American Idol.

Remember Tim Halperin?? Yeah… me neither.

Oh that’s right… he’s Amish. (Heyyy Amish heeeeeey!)

Anyway, Tim Halperin got kicked off of American Idol pretty early on because I guess America does not like when the Amish start using electricity all of a sudden. Who knows??

But now that Amish Timmy is off of Idol, he’s releasing his album Rise & Fall, but not before sitting in a jail cell, in the middle of a parking lot, to gain attention, and to symbolize the constrictions of an Idol contract.

Halperin, in a symbolic gesture meant to represent “contract restrictions” placed on him by American Idol, will enter a jail cell in the parking lot of the West Village Shopping Center the Shops at Legacy in Plano at 5 a.m. Monday.

Tim is a moron.

Why doesn’t he put on black face and be really controversial and make a statement about the racial injustices on Idol?? Or maybe he can do black face and wear hot pants and talk about the gay community as well??

I understand the American Idol contract is constrictive (to everyone except Pia Toscano of course), but comparing it to jail is a tad dramatic.

Anyway, here is a preview of Rise & Fall… not bad Tim. But I don’t like drama queens.

AMISH CONTROL YOUR PEOPLE!!!

The ironic part is he’s trying to be the rebel American Idol contestant that speaks out against the show… but EVERYONE that has been on the show complains about it. Idea: how about you don’t sign up in the first place???

-Rocco

It’s way too long. And the instant I saw her running around free, like a bird, on the beach I just knew I had to shut this off.

But I understand that there are Pia Toscano fans somewhere in the world (I mean she did finish 9th on American Idol!) and because I’m generous … I’ll post whatever this is:

Oh god.. I just caught a glimpse of a “driving away in the car because I can’t take it” scene. And I’m pretty sure she’s saying “my bags is packed at the back of your door” which just makes no sense.

-Rocco

Are they really spending a marketing budget on her?? At least we’ll all have 1 music video to remember her by.

I think that should just be the video. Just those 10 seconds. I already know what the video is about…… defying  electrical outlets. I mean, there’s no way there is an outlet that microphone is plugged into in the middle of the street. I had to climb over an old lady in Starbucks just to plug-in my Mac, and I’m sure corporate coffee shops have more outlets than the streets of NYC.

Pia is so lucky to have me.

-Rocco

Maybe Nigel is confused, which is obviously the case, because I’m one of those people who believe he lives in a meth house in LA. I mean, even for a Brit his teeth seem a little off to me.

I'll do anything for Pia!

Anyway, American Idol had the genius idea of promoting American Idol season 11 by creating a 30 second promo spot that is just like taking a Lunesta; it involves Pia Toscano.

That’s all sweet and everything, but girl came in 9th place. Like she almost didn’t make it to the tour.

What about my little buttermilk biscuit angel that is Scotty McCreery?? Is “Love You This Big” not inspiring enough. Try and tell that to the cowboys in North Carolina.

I guess the point is anyone who is having trouble sleeping should watch this promo, not feel bad for the socialite of NYC that is Pia Toscano and then maybe audition for American Idol after you have a nice slumber.

-Rocco

 

If she was in X-Men her power would be turning everything she sings into a ballad. It’s astounding actually. She should probably join the circus and use this as her trick, because it’s absolutely magical how every song she sings, no matter what the tempo, makes me want to punch my ear drums out because I’m so bored and injuring myself at least allows me to feel something.

And she does know this isn’t a pageant right??  What’s with the posing?? She’s been hanging out with Lauren Alaina too much. (PS totally could not think of her name)

-Rocco

I didn’t. I actually forgot about this chick.

But don’t worry, I’ll catch you up to what’s going on in her life…. she’s still singing ballads and may or may not be “just friends” with Mark Ballas.

I wonder if he makes her dance constantly?? She probably would…. but only to ballads.

hahah life is so funny... and we are still relevant. Kind of.

Okay. Let’s forget about her for another month.

-Rocco

I hope I’m not just a giant bitch for saying that, but that’s what my heart truly believes. But what my heart truly doesn’t know is who this chick is???

Seriously who is that?? Every time she came on I shouted “WHO ARE YOU STRANGER!!!???” No one knew.

And then Beyonce came out and killed it because she is the most perfect human being on this planet and the rest of them looked like children.

So good.

-Rocco

We should just get her a guest role on EVERY show. Just get it done and over with, because this is clearly where this is all heading.

I think a reality show is pretty fitting too…  we should pitch it to MTV. If they air a bunch of teenagers, getting knocked up just be on television, I think they’d put on a pretty, Italian girl being on TV way too much for singing boring ballads, beautifully.

Can she dance?? She should whore it up on some dancing show, maybe a guest appearance on America’s Best Dance Crew, to get those extra fans ya know??

Here is Pia Toscano with the Entourage crew which means she may or may not be on the show.

I can’t wait until her people leak the story that she’s banging Adrian Grenier and Mark Ballas is so sad he just has to dance it out, while Pia writes a heart-felt apology via a ballad.

I should really be in television.

-Rocco

Have you ever seen a better arrangement of letters?? Definitely not!

I can’t even explain to you the love I have for the Backstreet Boys. Watching this fills my heart with such joy… I imagine this is what mothers feel like when they see their children being born.

I texted my sister, we will call her Cuckoo, “I f***king love them” and she responded with “ME TOO!! I want more!”. Cuckoo is married with a child and I swear to Oprah when she got us meet and greet tickets with NKOTB, she pushed a handicapped person out-of-the-way to stand next to Donnie Wahlberg. That happened.

Anyway… “Don’t Turn Out The Lights” is a great pop song. It has one of my favorite pre-choruses that I’ve ever heard…. it’s pop perfection.

1) Nick Carter… nice vest. Even a moronic vest like that can not take my love away.

2) A white fedora Donnie???… marry my sister, please.

3) 9 part harmonies?!?!?! KILL ME!

4) A bald AJ?? Love.

5) Why do people say they are too old?? They got this. These two groups made history… this is a super genius move.

6) Nick Carter should probably try not to mix up pronouns.

7) Backstreet Boys are the only group not to have at least one gay person… as of now. Fun fact.

8 ) Nick is breath-taking. Seriously.

Are you all annoyed about how I just fan girl-ed out over this whole thing?? Well, I have something to confess… I don’t even feel like a 12-year-old… I’m 24 and I still legitimately feel this way.

Oh and then they did this:

“I Want It That Way” was #10 in the 100 Greatest Pop songs according to Rolling stone. And obviously. Also, check out the choreography! Fantastic.

“Step By Step”…. that’s how I time my relationships… based on that song.

I’m not even going to post Pia Tosacano’s performance because guess what she performed?? A boring ballad, flawlessly, while her boyfriend danced to it. And there wasn’t even a Dirty Dancing move thrown in. Dumb. How long is she gonna ride out this relationship for speculation and publicity?? I may need to start dating a reality TV guy.

-Rocco


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