Posts Tagged ‘President Barack Obama’
I really don’t understand how Michelle Obama and I haven’t lunched yet. We would have so much in common.
“You see this? CRISIS!”- Michelle Obama
Basically, Michelle Obama dealt with Rachael Ray long enough to do a Skype interview with the laryngitis ridden cook (Michelle couldn’t even do this face to face because not even the First Lady can stand with Rachael Ray) and because Rachael Ray’s show has depth they talked about Michelle’s bangs.
“I couldn’t get a sports car. They won’t let me bungee-jump. So instead, I cut my bangs.”
Michelle fessed up that her bangs were because of a midlife crisis! A MIDLIFE CRISIS?!?!?! First Ladies have those?!?!?
I wish I could Skye Michelle Obama and tell her I cut my bangs because of some boy and in lieu of getting a tattoo and therefore my ass kicked by my mother, I cut one part of my hair shorter than the rest and caused havoc on my head.
And by the way, in that photo above, Michelle is pointing to her midlife crisis on her forehead– she’s imitating shooting herself in the face because of Rachael Ray’s obnoxious voice. And then discussing how important gun control is.
It just got real.
I posted a poem about Barack Obama written by James Franco, and not only is in unintentionally hilarious— it was also only one stanza from the non-rhyming, nonsensical poem.
IT’S A WHOLE BALLAD!
Wolfe and the sometime residence of F. Scott Fitzgerald
When he visited Zelda at her institution;
He stayed at the Grove Park Inn, a grand stone edifice.On the phone once, Cormac McCarthy lamented
The two added wings and the spa, and marveled
At the original structure, They pulled the stones
From the mountains and brought them down on mules.
Soon after his fortieth birthday, Fitzgerald attempted suicide
Here, but couldn’t shoot his own head, drunk, I guess.
Later, after he was actually dead, from alcohol,
Zelda perished in a fire at her institution, one of nine.
Asheville is the place where the Black Mountain College once stood
And helped birth Rauschenberg, Twombly and Johns,
Cage and Cunningham; now I think it’s a Young Men’s Christian Association.
On the wall of the Grove Park, they have pictures of the famous guests;
I’m not up there, but Obama is. I was asked to write something
For the inauguration of his second term, but what could I write?
I was in Asheville, studying writing, but not the political sort;
I write confessions and characters, and that sort of thing.
I wrote my friend Frank about what I could do, but he was unresponsive.
I went to class and then the little burrito place where they know me,
And finally at night I got Frank’s email on my phone and pulled over
On the side of Warren Wilson Road, past the school barn with the WWC –
That I couldn’t see in the dark — right before the school entrance;
A little spot where there’s a path that leads to a lake called Snake Lake.
First I called my class at UCLA, and told them to watch Apocalypse Now,
And that it used Heart of Darkness as a model, and that we’d watch
Eleanor Coppola’s Hearts of Darkness, the making-of, the following week.
Then I read Frank’s note. He said he was sleeping twenty hours a day,
With no symptoms except that he desired sleep
And just a little more sleep. He’s in his seventies.
Then he said that my poem was a difficult task.
How to write about a man written about endlessly;
A man whom everyone has some sort of experience of;
How to write so that it’s not just for the converted.
I met Obama once, in D.C., the Correspondents’ Dinner.
I was the guest of Vanity Fair, guided through D.C. by the wife
Of Christopher Hitchens, when he was alive. We went to Hitch’s place,
He had books from floor to ceiling, and said he had read
To Borges, when he was blind, Old Icelandic Eddas—
Then we waited in a private room with the likes of Tom Cruise,
And Katie Holmes, and Claire Danes. When Obama entered
The crowd converged. Finally, I got to shake his hand,
He knew me from Spider-Man. I asked him for advice,
I was scheduled to give the commencement speech at UCLA
And there were some undergraduate knockers against me;
He had been denied the usual honorary degree by Arizona State
Because he hadn’t accomplished enough, so I wondered
How he dealt with detractors. He smiled his smile and said,
“Humor.” Well he’s damn right, and I wonder how much
That stand-up comedian is laughing in the face
Of this big country. Because he is one man and we are many,
And a great servant of the people—he’s a president, not a king—
And doesn’t need to face what King Charles once faced.
(Frank suggested I examine Marvell’s semi-inauguration poem for Cromwell:)
That thence the Royal actor borne
The tragic scaffold might adorn:
While round the armèd bands
Did clap their bloody hands.
That most famous stanza, and then:
But bow’d his comely head
Down, as upon a bed.
And he was beheaded, good-bye Charles.
If I were to act in the film about Obama,
All I would need to get down, aside from the outer stuff—
And I know that’s important—is his essential kindness,
I’d let the writer put in all the political crap,
And the specific things that he was up against,
All that stuff on CNN and theHuffington Post,
And I’d say the lines that were written, just like Obama
Reads his lines, but what would really put the role over
Would be the goodness at its core.
That’s what will be remembered.
Yes, his race, no one will forget. But the soul too.
I’d win the Academy Award if I just captured that.
think know my favorite part is when Franco casts himself in the role of Barack Obama for the bio-pic. Love it.
The best part is people’s reactions to it. My personal favorite is fellow Revolution-er Kate.
Her and Franco need to have a “poem off”
*UPDATE* there’s a video. HERE
Posted November 9, 2012on:
Well, if you’ve been in a coma SURPRISE!! Barack Obama is still our President.
President Obama probably had a god night’s sleep and then went to his campaign headquarters to thank everyone and cried.
HE CRIED!! My heart swells with pride and joy and I’m just going to post this video and I hope you all watch it and get emotional.
If not, you’re probably related to Satan.
Posted November 7, 2012on:
Let’s just all agree that Jon Hamm’s penis and the drunk little Irish one from One Direction put Barack Obama in his second term.
The Revolution is going to go on a little break today (minus this hilarious post) because no one really cares about celebrities. Like me, you are going to spend more than half of your day reading election coverage because all those old people in Florida are still counting those goddamn votes!
But, with that said– I’m going to show some pictures of Jon Hamm and his un-caged penis campaigning for Barack yesterday.
I mean, I don’t really know what Jon Hamm said at this Obama rally but he was apparently into it and excited about it.
GO JON HAMM! You keep not wearing underwear with khaki pants!
Also, One Direction just totally gets it. These little angels aren’t even American but they understand that Obama has as much swag as they do. Niall Horan– the Irish one– is OBSESSED with Obama and he was a tweeting fool last night. Imagine me sexting Harry Styles — that’s pretty much how Niall was on twitter with Obama.
He’s sweating Obams! And taking stalker like pictures via the TV screen.
I can only assume the rest of One Direction feel the same way.
Anyway, Barack Obama has won his second term and I feel good for many reasons. One, I can stop being so obnoxiously political on the Revolution and get back to the good stuff like why and how Lindsay Lohan is still alive. Two, Maryland and Maine really love gay people and now they can try to show heteros how marriage works. Three, gay senators are getting elected– gay WOMEN senators.( You go Tammy Baldwin). Four, those white-haired men who love talking about rape and “god’s will” didn’t get elected so that’s really exciting for my body. And finally, BARACK OBAMA IS STILL BEING SWAGGY IN THE OVAL OFFICE!
I cried in Time Square watching the results because it was so good and he’s so electrifying. Love or hate the guy–he gives a speech like a motherf***er.
And I wouldn’t be the man I am today without the woman who agreed to marry me twenty years ago. Let say this publicly, Michelle I have never loved you more. I have never been prouder to watch the rest of America fall in love with you too as our nation’s first lady.
Sasha and Malia before our very eyes you are growing up to become two strong smart beautiful young women, just like your mom. And I’m so proud of you guys. But I will say that for now one dog is probably enough.
Family man. Beautiful.
I believe we can keep the promise of our founder. The idea that if you’re willing to work hard, it doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from or what you look like or where you love, it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white or Hispanic or Asian, or native American, or young or old, or rich or poor, able, disabled, gay or straight, you can make it.
I believe we can seize this future together. Because we are not as divided as our politics suggest. We’re not as cynical as the pundents believe. We are greater than the sum of our individual ambitions.
Not an asshole. Awesome.
And I heart you. See you all tomorrow!
The final debate before the election (2 weeks from today) was last night and it was the same ‘ol stuff; Barack Obama was intelligent with a couple of dashes of swag and Mitt Romney was compensating for his stupidity with a giant American flag pin.
Check out the debate below but spoiler alert— it’s pretty much Mitt Romney just agreeing with everything that Barack Obama has done and says, except he thinks that because it comes from a white guy, it will be more acceptable.
Make sure you get your ass out and vote on November 6th.
Posted October 10, 2012on:
Forget the fact that Barack Obama was pretty much asleep during the first debate and let this campaign video featuring Big Bird remind you of why President Obama is the definition of swag.
That’s the word of the day here kids— SWAG! And it’s brought to you by President Obama.
That is hilarious and frightening.
Let’s just all let the fact that Barack Obama spent money that people like you and I donated to his campaign to make this sarcastic and sassy video— how goddamn brilliant is that?
I think I love Barack Obama. Is this what real love feels like? I gotta ask Taylor Swift if this is what she feels about the Kennedy kid.
I mean, I don’t really know the job description of the Secretary of State, but I’m pretty sure it’s not to dress like a fashionable Kim Jong Il while bumping and grinding with an African-American woman.
Hillary Clinton is out of control and I love every second of it.
I mean, that drum beat is just taking over Hillary Clinton’s body. She didn’t even back down when that ass was all up on her. Classy.
I always thought my man, Barack, was the one with the moves, but I was wrong.
I constantly think of ways I could fake my own death in order to get out of my crappy restaurant job I currently hold 4-5 nights a week. I’m apparently awful at faking my own death because I’m always behind that damn bar BUT, if Barack Obama excuses me then they can go F themselves and make their own drinks!!
I don’t know who this Tyler character is and why Barack Obama is excusing him from class, but this is bullshit. The kid is probably like 7 and he NEEDS to learn his multiplication tables so missing a day of school is really uncalled for. I, on the other hand, don’t NEED to be working until 1AM, so get on it Barack Obama!
“High Five-ed” is a word. Don’t worry about it.
Barack Obama was baller yesterday and came out and said he believes every American has the right to marriage whether you are straight or gay. The most logical thing a sitting President has ever said.
Heterosexuals can’t do marriage right half the time… why not let the gays have a shot at it?
Barack Obama makes me proud to be on his side. I’m glad he wants to help me pay off my student loans, I’m glad he fights for my parents to pay less taxes than the rich guys, it’s pretty cool I now have health insurance even though I don’t have a bug girl job yet, I’m super happy he let’s me decide what I do with my uterus and body, and I’m super glad he’s down with letting some of the people who I love in my life marry who they wish.
Thank you Barack Obama.
True story: I Googled Branson because I have no idea what state that’s in and come to find out it’s in Missouri. <— I know. I’m a shameful American, but at least Obama supports the gays now.
Why are American Idol winners and losers meeting up in Branson, Missouri? This sounds frightening. I’m afraid they’re all planning an attack.
If they are, Kimberly Caldwell sucks at stealth because chick is posting pictures like it’s her job. Luckily, it’s my job to analyze:
(Okay I only half the people in this picture so we’ll discuss from left to right)
- Blake Lewis: You can’t be on Glee (seriously.. that hair. What happened to the cool spikes?) but I appreciate the arm art. It looks like you’re wearing an actual t-shirt full of color and I like it.
- Kimberly Caldwell: You are pretty. I have no idea what you do with your life on a daily basis, but I assume your not addicted to meth so keep it up.
- I have no idea who those next 3 girls are so they must have been really awful on American Idol. Good luck with your career, ladies.
- LEE D!!: Never, ever shave. Ever again. That beard. I’m insanely attracted to him right now (and that’s saying a lot since I blacklisted him last week). I don’t know what’s hiding in that treat hat (obviously not razors, but hopefully condoms because he could get some action in Missouri with that scruff), but he drank some sexy syrup and is looking pretty good.
Again, Lee D. What is going on? Why is he so attractive in Missouri? What’s in the water over there? Blake Lewis… I appreciate you covering up the Glee hair with a hat that my Grandfather rocks. And the Asian chick looks like Jessica Sanchez from this season, but we know that’s not true because Jessica Sanchez is still terrorizing me with her ballads every week on that goddamn show.
So, thanks Kimmy for these pictures, but really… what’s going on in Branson, Missouri?
PS Is this place even in Missouri? That’s embarrassing if it’s not.