Posts Tagged ‘Rachel Crow’
No One Wants Nicole Scherzinger To Vote Off Children Without Bathrooms On X Factor Anymore
Posted on: January 31, 2012
- In: X Factor
- 4 Comments
Everyone in the world hates Nicole Scherzinger, so Simon Cowell told her to go back and try to get her solo career started for the 19th time.
I really have nothing to say about this except… THANK GOD! I’m over Nicole Scherzinger trying to be funny and/or intelligent while judging children trying to make some money for their families. And I’m definitely tired of her trying to hock some old people singing as well. Doesn’t she know this is America???
PS Paula Abdul is out too, which makes me think X Factor will be even sillier than last time.
-Rocco
I Didn’t Watch The X Factor Finale… Did Melanie Amaro Speak In Tongues???
Posted on: December 23, 2011
- In: X Factor
- 2 Comments
(I think I’m the last person on the planet to report on the X Factor finale and I uhhh??? Totally did that on purpose)
That crazy ass lady won, didn’t she???
Shocker.
Let’s get into this mess:
Because of the holidays (Happy Birthday Jesus) the contestants got to sing holiday songs. I’m a little disappointed in Melanie for not singing something about her lord savior in her accent. She’s a fraud. She sang a freakin’ Mariah Carey song. Bull!
I’m attracted to Chris Rene. I don’t even mind that pesky little drug problem. His hats trump that.
Josh Beast Man does not sing the Christmas song from Beauty and the Beast. This finale is nothing but a huge let down for me.
And then clearly the best part of the whole season is Justin Bieber. HE’S SUCH AN ANGEL MUFFIN!!!
He has a satin green shirt and a baby swoop bang. This needs to be its own post. I love him and his outlandish Christmas outfits. I’ll get back to this later.
Then X Factor made fun of Nicole and Paula, which was a segment I probably produced in one of my dreams.
Seriously though, is Nicole coming back on next season???
And out of freakin’ no where…. 50 Cent came out with the Lakers and that rapping kid Astro, who I completely forgot about. 50 Cent was ready to shoot himself in the jaw 9 times again. He never wanted to be anywhere else.
Is this what the Lakers during a lockout??
And now for Melanie having a complete mental breakdown sans a burning bush, a foreign language, and Rachel Crow coming out to beat her with a toilet seat.
I’m not gonna lie… I’m glad this season is over. I’m tired of this show, it’s a mess, and I can’t imagine what Melanie is going to do with $5 million. Maybe Rosetta Stone???
-Rocco
- In: X Factor
- 5 Comments
I don’t think this week had a theme and I’m still upset about Rachel Crow getting the boot. I’ve slept in my bathroom for the past week throwing darts at this picture:
What a strange show. Let’s get into it.
Marcus Canty: “I’ll Make Love To You”
Thanks for ruining Boyz II Men and singing an obvious song choice with a white rose like a moron. I’m pretty sure that girl he gave the rose to is underage.
“Whispers”
A George Michael song a la Vegas??? Kill me.
Please send him home.
Chris Rene: “Fly”…. SUGAR RAY!! HAHAHHAH YESSSSS!!!!! I wish he frosted his hair to show some dedication.
“No One”- He’s a bad singer, but I’ll take him over the Usher wannabe any day.
Melanie Amaro: “Hero”
I’m just disappointed she didn’t sing it in her accent.
“Feeling Good” – I just think of the Weight Watchers commercial now. Thanks Jennifer Hudson.
No accent?? Bullshit.
Josh Beast Man: “Come Together”…. You Kris with a K fans are bugging out, right??
“Hallelujah”- You Lee D. fans are sharpening your pitchforks aren’t you???
At least he made Paula cry.
Nice tree of life on stage.
I don’t even care who goes home… or who wins for that matter.
Sorry for this underwhelming recap. Hopefully, the finals with be more snazzy… I hear J Biebs will be there!
-Rocco
So, I Guess Nicole Scherzinger Doesn’t Want Rachel Crow To Have Her Own Bathroom
Posted on: December 9, 2011
- In: X Factor
- 13 Comments
WHAT WHAT WHAT THE F**K WAS LAST NIGHT?!?!?!?
Nicole Scherzinger was given an intervention and she lost her job, right?? Because if not this country is in more trouble than I thought.
A Pussycat Doll didn’t open her mouth to save a 13-year-old girl who doesn’t have a bathroom AND WAS BORN A CRACK BABY!!!! In what world is that okay??? A CRACK BABY!! Ask Angelina Jolie… you always save the crack babies over an Usher wanna be. We have an Usher and all he’s good for is bringing us some J Biebs.
Oh god! Looking at that picture makes me want to live the rest of my life in my tiny bathroom as a sign of dedication to Rachel Crow.
I’m going to post a video of the elimination, but do not watch if you are a sensitive human being or have heart problems. Rachel Crow straight up has a nervous breakdown and cries for her mommy. I was not prepared for this and I…. I just can’t. I blame Nicole. She’s obviously sleeping with Marcus Canty.
That is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s worse than the ASPCA and starving children in Africa commercials combined.
I’m sure that just ruined your day and I apologize, but we all need reevaluate our lives now.
-Rocco
- In: X Factor
- 3 Comments
Okay. So I guess last night’s show was broken down into two parts?? The first was “dance”, so without even watching it, I know that will be a mess. It’s going to be like gay club on crack, I’m sure. And the second part was the contestants preparing a song in less than 24 hours, so that means the contestants probably just sang their favorite karaoke number. FYI I’d sing Taylor Swift “Love Story”. I have a history of that.
Melanie Amaro: This newly crowned Caribbean princess is a moron because she should have sang Rihanna. She could have used her awesome fake accent. Instead she ruined an Adele song.
Marcus Canty: Nicole thought he took the crowd “to church” and once again it just proves my theory that she needs to just stayed a Pussycat Doll.
Chaka Khan?? This was a very gay club performance sans glitter.
Rachel Crow: She should probably have a show on Disney or Nickelodeon. And Nicole should probably stop talking because the bathroom jokes are only funny when I bring them up every week. Nicole ruins everything.
She looks a 40-year-old divorcee in that outfit and she turned the song into a lesbian love song. She hasn’t studied pronouns in school yet.
Josh Beast Man: Rihanna’s “We Found Love”?? YES YES YES!!! This. Is. Great.
Chris Rene: He’s the worst singer which is suitable when he’s singing the Rihanna hook.
Nicole is clearly taking whatever drugs Paula used to take. She just called him “Josh”. She’s a mess.
Annnd now for the second part of the fabricated “drama”.
Melanie Amaro: Prince Of Egypt. Shocking song choice ‘mon!
YES!! She talks again!!! YESSSS!! Please I will believe in anything if we can keep this crazy bitch around.
Marcus Canty: He’s singing something that I’m not paying attention to because I still here Melanie’s accent in my head.
Rachel Crow: “Music & Me”?? She’s singing a song that no one has ever heard of and I don’t understand, out of ALL THE SONGS IN THE WORLD, this is the one she goes with. And I’m not sure why they insist on dressing her like that. I’m pretty sure my Grandma was buried in that dress. She was a great dresser.
Josh Beast Man:
The only awesome thing about this was Simon said he looked “insane” and then told Nicole to “get lost”. HAHHAHAH! My dislike for Nicole Scherzinger is out of control.
Chris Rene: He’s not wearing his gangsta cap and he’s singing an original. Okay??
I can’t understand the lyrics of that song… he didn’t say them enough.
I’m not sure who I want to go home, but I do know I need Melanie to stay around some more because she is out of her mind, which equals family entertainment.
-Rocco
- In: X Factor
- 4 Comments
America. Listen. We need to talk. I’m totally down with the new Caribbean princess that is Melanie Amaro staying, but my girl Drew?? All Americans have a meth addiction now as far as I’m concerned.
I could care less about Astro… but poor Drew. She was adorable. But on the bright side, Justin Bieber tweeted her and I’d lose out on $5 million to get a tweet from JB too.
Anyway, of course the crew sang “Man In The Mirror” and it made me want to break a mirror and cut my ears off.
So, yeah that happened. I don’t even know who I like in this show anymore. I guess bathroom girl because she’s a child and America will be really awful if they crush an ex-crack baby who can sing like a mofo’s dream.
Get it together, people.
-Rocco
- In: X Factor
- 10 Comments
I don’t even have time to ramble on how a Michael Jackson theme is such a bad idea, so let’s just get to the videos to prove my point.
I'm Billie Jean's lover and the kid IS my son.
Josh Beast Man: “Dirty Diana”
Pick a more obscure Jackson song, please.
His perm looks great. I can’t even watch this whole thing, the acrobats on the floor are distracting me.
Astro: “Black & White”
Okay… he’s not singing a Jackson song. He’s saying stuff over the track. And apparently this is an ode to the Scottish with the kilts. WHAT IS HAPPENING?? He’s great, but this has nothing to do with Michael Jackson.
Drew: “Billie Jean”
I like this chick and I have no idea why everyone is bugging out about the lack of spectacle. Who cares if she’s sitting down or standing?? I want to hit Nicole with that chair.
My god that host is a giant man.
Rachel Crow: “Can You Feel It”
I’m sad she didn’t talk about how many awesome bathrooms Michael Jackson probably had.
This wasn’t that great, but she has an awesome fro.
Marcus Canty: “Pretty Young Thing”
This guy thinks he’s Usher. He needs a little white kid running around with him a la Justin Bieber for me to believe him.
What is up all this military inspired garb?? Wardrobe department fund cuts???
Chris Rene: “I’ll Be There”
He’s kind of bad, but I don’t want him to turn to drugs so I hope he makes it through. And I’m totally ignoring the solider jackets!!!
Maniac Melanie: “Earth Song”
Of course cray cray chose a random song and she speaking in her Island accent again. WHO IS THIS NUT JOB!?!? I love her. Please, America keep her. I really hope that Rihanna was faking her Island accent the whole time and she really has a Brooklyn one.
Shit.. I’m gonna start speaking with a British accent. If Melanie can conjure one up… so can I.
The Jackson children had a great time (especially the one in red). They totally have military inspired outfits on underneath those clothes.
I don’t even know how to end this gracefully, so I’m just gonna say Cheerio and Bollocks!!
-Rocco
- In: X Factor
- 2 Comments
Thanksgiving week?? A theme that’s for giving thanks?? WTF does that mean?? I have a gut feeling it was an attempt at sob stories, but I’m sure it came out like the vomit your crazy Uncle does after eating too much turducken.
EDIT: THE BEST X FACTOR EVER!! Tears, Jesus dedications, randomly speaking other languages, Taylor Swift….. and just a reminder its THANKSGIVING WEEK!!
Before we get into that, why was Simon Cowell tweeting and hash-tagging ” Oh Snap!”???
That cracks me up for some reason.
Ok let’s get into Thanksgiving week on X Factor:
Where's the stuffing?? I LOVE STUFFING!!!
Rachel Crow: Well, we know she’s not giving thanks about her bathroom situation, so of course she’s going to bring up the crack baby business. I think it’s a great angle.
I’m not thankful for her outfit and that gospel choir.
Everyone’s gonna cry tonight aren’t they???
Marcus Canty: I’m thankful he’s singing a Boyz II Men song and the song I sing for my mother every mother’s day. I’m gonna assume it’s for his mother too.
Holy puberty voice crack mama!
TEARS! I’m turning this show into a drinking game and taking a shot every time someone sheds a tear. And yes it’s 8AM and yes I’ll be drunk by 8:30AM.
His mom will definitely be voting for him.
Melanie Amaro: Why does every one sing R. Kelly on the weeks it’s supposed to be about inspiration, thanks and all around goodness?? They do know he’s a pedophile right?? Not the world’s greatest.
And the absolute best part is she dedicated the song to… wait for it.. THE LORD!!!
Trapped in the closet is my favorite song. And "I Believe I Can Fly" because I CAN FLY!
Something tells me Jesus isn’t an R. Kelly fan.
Is she speaking another language?!??! WTF IS GOING ON???!? Maybe Jesus is a huge R Kelly fan because she’s speaking in tongues…. who knew??
This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. SHE’S CRAZY!!! SHE IS A NUT JOB! Please America… keep this crazy ho on this show!
Nicole is of course crying because she’s just as nutty. Paula looks sane which you know is never a good thing.
Chris Rene: “Let It Be”??? I’ll take it Chris, especially after Maniac Melanie (It’ll catch on!) He dedicated it to his rehab counselor… that’s sweet, but it’s not the Lord!
I can’t even concentrate right now… I’m afraid Melanie is sacrificing Rachel Crow and Astro in the back.
Lakoda Rayne: TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!! They win! They dedicate “You Belong With Me” to their families, which makes absolutely no sense, but I dedicate EVERY Taylor Swift song to EVERYONE in my life, so I’m okay with it.
This is kind of awful, but if they love Tay Tay, I have to respect them. And Paula is finally back to being the normal one and crying, so that makes me even a bigger fan.
LeRoy Bell: He sings that song from the PSA for the Humane Society. I feel like buying a dog.
Paula is crying. Shocking. TAKE A SHOT!
That was good. Good job kind of attractive Grandpa.
Astro: An original song dedicated to his fans?? OH. MY. GOD. It’s basically about him and he says: “bloggers they hate me”. I never said I hated him… I just want him to date Rachel Crow so we can have some more drama.
Can someone get a DNA swab from Kanye West, because I’m pretty sure this is his spawn.
Drew: “Skyscraper”. I haven’t even heard this, but I’m gonna assume it’s good. She dedicates it to her BFF, who helped her accept herself… that is so freakin’ sweet. I have never dedicated a song to my BFF… I suck. I’ll record it later.
So, you can’t see it in that video, but we all learned that LA Reid is pretty much an idiot because he said something about Drew singing an age appropriate song. Clearly, he has no idea who Demi Lovato is. Simon put him in his place, but of course LA Reid is daft and has no clue.
Josh Kracjik: I’m afraid of this man. I just feel like he could kill me and hide my body all while playing the piano in a smoke machine.
This was a good performance. He’s good, but Nicole Scherzinger in tears just ruined everything. SHE IS SO DRAMATIC!! OH. MY. GOD!!!!! And nice sign language at the end…. what a bi-lingual group we have.
I’m thankful for his side part last night.
WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!?! What was that show?? I feel like I just took acid. Clearly, this was the most entertaining show of the season, because of all the crazy (MELANIE!!).
Keep this crazy lady around please.
-Rocco
- In: X Factor
- 10 Comments
I wrote that title before I watched any videos from last night’s X Factor, but I’m assuming that’s what happened because last week’s “movie theme” week was not that at all. I’m going to assume that no one will sing a rock song.
I have no other chit chat… so let’s get into “rock” week:
LeRoy Bell: “We’ve Got Tonight”
This is the least rock thing I’ve heard already and this is only the first performance. He sounds good, but he’s wearing leather.
Rachel Crow: “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction”
She better start planning her bathroom because she’s gonna need to hide in it when Britney Spears comes after her for singing this better than her (sorry that was a lame Britney Spears joke that probably went over everyone’s head). She’s adorable even in her dumb costume.
Chris Rene: “No Woman No Cry”
Still sober I guess and wearing a “Occupy Wall Street” shirt. I would’ve thought he was a Republican because of the drug past?? Hmmmm?? He’s an awful singer. And this isn’t a rock song. Chris might have been in withdrawal when he decided to turn this into reggae week.
Stacy Francis: “It’s All Coming Back To Me”
This is my favorite song to fake sing to, because it’s so goddamn dramatic and therefore obnoxious… of course they gave it to Stacy Francis. The sound of her voice makes me want to eat meatloaf and then vomit.
She’s old and no one will buy her album. There … I said it.
Melanie Amaro: “Everybody Hurts”
Again… just because REM usually sings “rock”-ish songs, doesn’t mean you can choose the one non rock song. Or do I just hold a crappy definition of what consists of rock??
She sounds good…. but I forget about her every week. And how has no one slapped Nicole Scherzinger yet…. she’s kinda bitchy.
Josh Beast Man: “The Pretender”
If he doesn’t perform a rock song.. it’s all over. Foo Fighters is good and he added a drum kit and a strobe light. He got the “rock memo”.
Nicole must have epilepsy because she’s having a seizure.
Astro: “I’ll Be Missing You”
This has never been less of a rock song. A song about Notorious BIG’s death is not rock, but he’s a child so he might not be able to read.
Funny how LA has no qualms that this isn’t rock.
Lakoda Rayne: “Go Your Own Way”
I can’t help but like these girls despite their stupid outfits that Paula convinces them to wear every week. They’re gonna have a great performance one day… I agree with Simon.
Drew: “With Or Without You”
I like this chick too. Not a rock song once again… but I would love to hear the album she makes. I’m not even going to make fun of anything about this.
Marcus Canty: “Piece Of My Heart”
He made a rock song look like an Adam Lambert performance. In fact, I think Adam Lambert owns that jacket.
These mentors are a great idea theoretically, but it just turns out that whenever the other judges mentee (is that the right word??) is on the stage they just say negative things. And I’m mostly talking about Nicole Scherzinger because she’s just an idiot.
I can' bear to watch!
-Rocco
- In: X Factor
- 4 Comments
I would sing 'That Thing You Do'!
And Oscar would be smart for singing that because these contestants picked the most obscure songs in movie theme history. Get Smart and Runaway Bride??? Those were actual movies people chose from. HILARIOUS!
I would have played the pan flute and performed Titanic‘s theme song. I hear the rousing applause now.
Anyway, the top 11 chose their movies/songs out of the discount bin at the Blockbuster that is closing its doors around the block, so clearly the show was all over the place.
Stacy Francis: I’m glad she went first because I can’t stand her. I can’t stand her bad weave and her plastic red dress tonight either.
She just doesn’t stop screaming, that’s all I hear when she sings. She also kind of looks like an alien. She looks like Paula Abdul in an alternate universe, which brings me back to my alien point and that makes me a genius.
Marcus Canty: I always forget this guy, but then I remember he hates Justin Bieber because J Biebs gets to hang with Usher a lot.
When the host says “movies” it sounds like he says “boobies”…. that makes me laugh.
HIS JACKET! Who is dressing these kids??? The Stylist is on acid and the fog machine guy needs to stop pressing the button.
I don’t know what movie this song is from, but it’s probably from a Tyler Perry movie. And now I sound like a racist.
Drew: Okay… she’s singing a popular song, but it’s from You, Me And Dupree and I honestly forgot was a movie at all.
And my point of the stylist taking acid has just been re-confirmed with her outfit. Why is she wearing that?? (Edit: she designed that herself. My God)
Anyway, she’s great. I really like this girl… I’d buy her album. She may be my favorite. And she has a wind machine… that always gets my vote.
SHE’S 14?!?!?! I refuse to believe that.
LeRoy Bell: He’s singing a song from Runaway Bride, which is HILARIOUS!! Why can’t they just say U2? This is U2 right?? I don’t really like them so I have no idea.
He has a treat hat filled with his old man vitamins. Probably.
LaKoda Rayne: I know people don’t like this girls… but I do. And I like this Keith Urban song.
I liked this performance… again, I’d probably buy their album.
On a side note…. I can’t stop wondering if Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell ever slept together?? I know that’s strange, but it plagues my mind!
Astro: Of course he’s rapping the song from 8 Mile.
I don’t understand why he can’t just rap the original lyrics. That annoys me a little bit. If he can do that… why can’t the rest of the contestants just sing what they want?? I don’t get it.
I think LA Reid is his secret daddy.
Melanie Amaro: I love how she just sang a Michael Jackson song and said it was from This Is It. Touche! This is obviously a very loose theme.
She’s better than Stacy Francis. She should stay longer than Stacy Francis. Her weave is even nicer.
Stereo Hogzz: They’re singing ”Ain’t No Other Man”, so that’s just weird and I don’t have to make it weirder but I’ll tell you it’s from the movie Get Smart.
Paula’s introduction WAS THE BEST.
This is an awful song for them… to many pronoun changes.
Josh Beast Man: I have to say, I’ve been obsessed with The Wonder Years so I’m immediately a fan of him singing this song. I didn’t know there were so many other verses to this song. Who knew??
Nice wind machine! And nice creepy dancers in the blue dresses. The entire production team on show is on drugs.
Chris Rene: OKAY! We get it. He was in rehab! Great song… but again, why the new lyrics??
I’m just jealous because I want to be a rapper. So bad.
Rachel Crow: (Side note: I just read she was born in a crack den. Give this girl $5 million now!! Rehab?? Old timers who just want to make it??? They’re not crack babies. She wins!!)
I’m glad they saved my little bathroom nugget for the end. She has an AWESOME fro and I’m so jealous. I’m so jealous I’m judging my tiny bathroom now.
This song is probably from an NYU student film.. I have no idea, but she sounds great. It’s astounding how good she is. Swag! And I want her dress.
Simon…. I bow down to your genius.
Was that not the most random song choices ever?? I’m going to watch movies all day just to think random songs that play on the radio in the background for the contestants to choose from next season?? American Idol usually makes no sense with themes, but this takes the cake now.
I hate that saying.. I can’t believe I just wrote that.
-Rocco
