Rocco's Pop Revolution: Seen through the eyes of someone living it

I experienced Titanic in 3D last night and it was the greatest thing my eyes have ever seen. I’m pretty sure it will trump the moment I give birth. And listen, I know I have a strange obsession with Titanic but it’s only because in a past life I was a passenger on Titanic. True story. I’m pretty sure that’s why I have a connection with Titanic.

Anyway, you  need to see this film in 3D because it’s the most beautiful thing you’ll ever see. And lucky you… below I pointed out all the reasons why this movie is an adventure for the heart, mind, body and soul. (Note: these things may or may not have to do with 3D, but you get the idea)

- BILLY ZANE! Billy Zane you are such an asshole as Cal. Cal is just an awful human being. Part of me thinks he actually loves Rose, but the other part of me thinks he just likes to win (“I always win, Jack. One way or another”). But really… he’s just despicable. He frames Jack for theft, slaps his fiance, is over bearing, is probably sleeping with Rose’s mom, and kidnaps a 3rd class child to save his own ass (Because a man in a tux has a child who wears a fashionable doo-rag). But with that being said, he does is all while looking dashing. Billy Zane as Cal is a hottie. He has great hair, he dresses swanky, and he has an arrogant swag about him that causes you to fall a little bit in love with him, but I’d still rather be Jack’s whore than his wife.

End result: no one is sad when the crash of  1929 causes him to put a bullet in his mouth.

“You can be blasé about some things, Rose, but not about Titanic. It’s over a hundred feet longer than the Mauritania and far more luxurious.”

- KATE WINSLET’S DRESSES! Omg in 3D they are exquisite. I can’t even. The one she’s in when she almost commits suicide? Beautiful. I’m glad she was going to go with a bloodless suicide because you don’t want to ruin the beading on that dress with brains.

“Wanna go to a real party?” dress? LOVE! She can jig in it, drink beer, and stand up on he toes… it’s perfect.

“Put your hands on me, Jack” ensemble? What an outfit to lose your virginity to Jack Dawson in? I mean, I’d wear it if it got me in the back seat of the T Model Ford with Jack. Just saying.

“I want you to draw me like one of your French girls”

- JACK DAWSON IN 3D! Even more beautiful than Rose DeWitt Bukater’s dresses. OH MY F**CKIN’ GOD! He sparkled. He shined up like a new penny, if you will. His hair never looked sleeker, his eyes never looked so blue, and OH MY GOD HE NEVER LOOKED SO FROZEN! Leonardo DiCaprio is a vision in this movie and the 3D glasses only made it better.

I also want to make this known publicly that I will be naming one of my son’s Jack. And yes it will be after Jack Dawson because “he saved me. saved me in every way a person can be saved”.

“The best I’ve seen, ma’am. Hardly any rats.”

 ”I don’t know about you, but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this. “

“cause we’re going to America, full house boys! Wohoo! “

- TOMMY RYAN! Tommy Ryan is a underrated character. He’s awesome. He friend-ed Fabrizio (more on him next) when Jack forgot about his friend and he helped Jack bash the bench against the gate AND THEN HE PUNCHED THE WHITE STAR LINE EMPLOYEE IN THE NOSE! Tommy Ryan did not deserve to get shot at the end….. it makes me sad.

“Music to drown by… now I know I’m in 1st class”

- FABRIZIO! Love him. You forget about him, but you shouldn’t. He’s great. He barely speaks English, but he’s 1/2 of the 1st bromance ever to be portrayed in cinema. Jack and Fabi are bros and they awkwardly hug when they are reunited when the ship is sinking. Fabi is the original guido.

“ I can see the Statue of Liberty already!… Very small, of course.”

“GOODBYE. I WILL NEVA FORGET YOUUUUUU!”

- MOLLY BROWN! Molly Brown is a bad ass bitch. Love this feminist circa 1912. Plus, she shines up Jack like a new penny and wants to go back and save the passengers who went down with Titanic. “I don’t understand not one of ya!… It’s your men out there!”. Sadly, she had to shut her that ‘ol in her face!

“Are ya gonna cut her meat for her to there, Cal?” 

“Say who came up with the name Titanic… was it you Bruce?”

- BRUCE ISMAY! F**K YOU, BRUCE! Light the last boiler? How about I light you on fire?  You got your headlines (2nd tape!) asshole!

“Retire with a bang… eh E.J.?”

- OLD ROSE! She’s not a very old goddamn liar, she’s a very old woman with a heart that is similar to an ocean full of secrets. She brought Jack to the rest of us and I’m very happy for that.  And when she dies and goes to heaven as pretty, young Rose and meets Jack at the top of the stairs by the clock?!?! I kid you not, I have chills just writing that out and I’m trying not to burst into tears because I’m in public.

And she has a mullet.

“Wasn’t I a dish?”

- LOVE! This is the greatest love story ever told. The Notebook can suck it, because Ally and Noah have nothing on Jack and Rose. Would you jump off the life boat? Probably not, and Ally certainly wouldn’t. And true there was room on the wooden door… but let’s not even go there.

“Listen, Rose. You’re gonna get out of here, you’re gonna go on and you’re gonna make lots of babies, and you’re gonna watch them grow. You’re gonna die an old… an old lady warm in her bed, not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me?”

“Jack. Jack. *sob* Jack. I’ll never let go. I’ll never let go. Come back… come… COME BACK!”

Seriously. Go see this in theaters again it will change your life. This movie is not made to be seen on TBS… it needs to always be on the big screen. I may make sure my next apartment has a theater room just so I can watch Titanic on repeat.

I have to physically stop myself from writing about this (who knows?? There may be a part II) because I can have a blog completely devoted to this movie, and never stop. 

Are you all in tears? It’s okay. Don’t be ashamed. This may be the best thing I’ve ever written.

-Rocco