Posts Tagged ‘scientology’
First, John Travolta pronounces Les Miserable like a drunk straight man, which is a good thing because his Oscar wig was doing nothing for those masseuse assault rumors.
Second— that wig! Or hair plugs? I don’t know what it is, but Xenu made some budget cuts on Johnny’s wigs.
I seriously hope that the money went towards some new shoe lifts for Tom Cruise. If not, Scientology is getting careless with their money and it’s hurting their leaders.
I feel like Xenu is going to be pissed about this. John Travolta better watch his back…. and his hair plugs.
I’ve never seen such a gay Christmas.
Word on the street is Tom Cruise is courting Cameron Diaz and this courtship is for more than just making crappy movies.
I don’t really have much to say is this coupling makes complete sense.
1) Tom Cruise is probably gay.
2) Cameron Diaz looks like a dude and has jacked up muscles like a dude.
THIS IS GONNA LAST! I just hope Xenu knows how many cc’s of scientology drugs to give her to keep her complacent.
Xenu is not going to be happy about this.
Word on the street is Katie Holmes, in lieu of an exorcism (I kid… I kid. But not really), Suri Cruise will attend an all girls catholic school come September.
Now, just picture Suri Cruise in school—– POPULAR KID!
Suri Cruise is going to rule that shit, like no other. I already feel her making fun of me and I don’t even go to that school.
Jesus better say hello to the new queen bee.
Posted December 9, 2011on:
Why do they keep making Mission Impossible movies???
1) Tom Cruise is old.
2) He’s a scientologist. (That probably means something)
3) The missions clearly are not impossible if he keeping suceeding at them and therefore continues to get more missions to complete. Re-work that title.
Here is a clip from A Mission That Will Be Difficult But By The Powers Of Xenu And Guns, Tom Cruise Will Finish It.
Again, that is possible.
I’ve said a lot of mean things about Scientologists, and I’m not taking them back. But, I will say that their leader is a great dancer.
Xenu totally taught Tommy those dance moves.
So, Maybe The Puerto Rican Gollum Had Something To Do With The Lack Of Will Smith And Jada Pinkett Smith Loving
Posted August 24, 2011on:
Before I get into it…. the Smiths released a statement stating that their marriage is “intact” and blah blah blah… “we’ll sue”… blah blah blah, so we’ll see the divorce papers in 3-6 months.
So anyway, my favorite report coming out of this impending divorce is…. are ya ready??? It’s so good!! (I gave it away in the headline)
MARC ANTHONY!!!! Wait… it’s get better. I’ll explain after I check out his ruffled shirt some more.
In Touch Weekly claims in early August Will had become increasingly suspicious that his wife was having an affair with her “HawthoRNe” co-star Marc Anthony and secretly flew home from a movie shoot. The mag claims Will walked in the house, found Marc Anthony and Jada together and left the house crying.
Reps for Will and Jada said Tuesday Jada had not been unfaithful to Will, specifically mentioning Marc Anthony in the denial. A source close to the couple tells TMZ … Marc was at Jada’s home, but in April not August, when he went over to look at a DVD.
1) I didn’t know HawthoRNe was still a show. Good for her.
2) I didn’t know Marc Anthony was on the show that I didn’t know still existed. Good for him.
3) Who would ever leave their husbands for Marc Anthony?? I don’t care if my husband was Muammar Gaddafi… Marc Anthony is not better. They’re at the same level, so Marc Anthony is a total downgrade from Will Smith.
4) What DVD were they “watching”??? It sure as hell wasn’t Bad Boys and it better not have been The Legend Of Bagger Vance. I bet it was The Next Karate Kid.
This just brings me back to those goddamn Scientologists. I knew they were behind this. J Lo an Marc Anthony were all up in Xenu too and we should just sit back and wait until John Travolta and Katie Holmes are found watching DVD’s together.
Here’s another Marc Anthony picture to make you respect the other faces around you more…
Posted August 23, 2011on:
Minus Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, because she’s drugged and doesn’t actually know she’s married, if you are married, pray to Xenu and get monthly body scans from the church of Scientology… your husband is probably gay and you will get a divorce.
Which brings us to Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith.
(I’m sorry if I offended any Fresh Prince fans. But you’re welcome to any fan fiction/inbred enthusiasts you always imagined a Fresh Prince/Carlton relationship)
According to InTouch Weekly, which is pretty much my holy book, these two hate each other and are separating.
Now, this obviously has something to do with the Scientology church and/or that Karate Kid remake movie that Jaden Smith did. FYI, karate kids don’t have cornrows.
I really have nothing else to say about this except if this marriage couldn’t work…. John Travolta and Kelly Preston are next, which I know saddens Mamadukes because she doesn’t believe me when I say John Travolta is gay. In fact… I hear her voice from 60 miles away *tsk* Why does she say these things on the internet?? I’m calling her ass.
Robots don’t like helicopters. How does Tom Cruise not know this?? I mean, him and Xenu created robot Suri, they should know that Scientologist robots are afraid of heights.
Suri Cruise is a transformer. You can not tell me otherwise. But she’s not like fun-loving Bumblebee. She’s a deceptacon and Tom Cruise is wearing a baby Gap tee.
This Scientology business is getting serious. Katie Holmes is getting stranger and stranger. And so are her outfits.
Red, leather capris and a tan fishing net?? Where the hell is Xenu taking her shopping???
So, not only is she wearing whatever that is… she is going on national television (Jay Leno just happened to be the source this time around) and talking about barking at raccoons. Raccoons don’t even speak dog. I don’t know what sound raccoons make (because if you get close enough to one I’m sure you can’t live to tell the tale because they probably can eat your face off) but they definitely don’t bark.
“I was recently sitting outside, and this raccoon comes right [up to me],” Holmes said. “I was expecting to be more afraid of me, and I’m staring at it, and he’s staring back like he’s gonna kick my butt!”
So what did Tom Cruise’s wife do to make her unwanted visitor go away?
“I stood up, and I barked at him,” she said. “And then he ran away!”
I’m sure it just turns out that the racoon was Suri Cruise who was playing with
Katie Holmes’ Tom Cruises make up.