Posts Tagged ‘Spencer’
AGHHHHH THE BETRAYAL!!! AGHHHH SEASON FINALE!!! (I stole that red ‘A’ idea from ABC Family)
Question: Am I a pretty little liar or am I just a liar?
Anyway, welcome to the greatest most A.D.D. recap of Pretty Little Liars you will ever read. I hope you enjoy it— please don’t betray me! (HAH! Get it? Get it?!? Don’t worry if you don’t.. that made no sense) Let’s go:
PS Quotes from PLL fanatic, Juliet, will be sprinkled throughout— prepare for hilarity.
- When the episode starts off with an ambulance you know shit is bad.
- OH GOD WHY IS HANNA CRYING?!?!??! WHO IS DEAD?!?! IF THEY KILLED OFF CALEB I’M GOING TO MURDER SOMEONE!!!!
- Oh and of course they Quentin Tarentino’ed that and the episode starts 2 days prior to that drama rama scene.
- The girls are going to meet with Emily and have an intervention because her girlfriend, Rage Paige is A MURDERER!!!
I have rage.
- This is a really awkward intervention and Emily just said “friggin’ but she meant “f**kin’”.
- OHHH They whip out the earring… BOOM! Suck on that Emily.
- Emily hates all her friends and will obviously run into the arms of Rage Paige.
- Aria is all self involved because Ezra has a kid he doesn’t know about and she’s making it her problem.
- Spencer’s shirt has lambs on it and is hideous. She confronts Rage Paige and the rage is boiling. Spencer is a bad ass bitch. I like Spencer.
- Emily is pussy whipped.. sorry it had to be said. PLL makes Lesbians look bad.
Juliet: I have Emily’s shirt and Aria’s shoes.
Juliet: Is this “The BetrayAl: Inside Juliet’s Closet”?
Rocco: BAHAHHAHAHH!
- Paige just got a text about going to a cemetery. Probably so she can dig up Allie’s body and steal shit from her grave.
- Spencer and Hanna are really good at language. English and Spanish.
- ” Stand down, bitches. Play it my way and Emily stays safe- A”
- MONA ESCAPED!! MONA ESCAPED! That mental hospital has the absolute worst security because she just escaped looking like a nurse from 1940.
I’m just going to go, ok?
- The girls got a message to go to Allie’s grave and bring Maya’s bag.
- Oh and of course there’s a body bag involved— these bitches need to go tell their parents. I would have moved from this ridiculous town months ago.
- Hanna almost killed Caleb with a lamp and he’s going to the graveyard with them. I love when he’s being all superhero-y. I love him. Love him so so much.
- Emily is going out of town with Black Hanson while the trial for Maya’s trial is going on. Black Hanson is dodgy and will probably kill her. And yes… I think everyone is a killer on this show.
Rocco: You should style PLL
Juliet: I mean, dream job. Besides styling “A Very One Direction Christmas” album cover
(They NEED to make a Christmas album. I’ve never needed anything more)
- BUTT CHIN FALCON BOY RETURNS! CAW CAW! Slow motion run to Spencer and make out. and the camera is circling them. I’m getting nauseous and not just because of the double butt chins happening…. motion sickness.
My chin and I are back
- WTF?!?!? Maggie shows up at Ezra’s and Maggie doesn’t call Aria out for being a stalker and going to see her. Maggie can’t just show up with her short hair cut and secret baby. Ezra’s mom is going to cut her off.
-This is the most awkward thing ever— why is Aria sitting on the couch with Maggie? Sit with Ezra. Maggie of course asks Aria straight up why she hasn’t told him about the baby.
Juliet: OMG ALEX MAX IS EZRA’S BABY MAMA!!
Rocco: OMG IT IS!!!! At least she can run from ‘A’ by turning into a puddle.
- How did we all miss that Maggie was Alec Mack last week?
- Caleb is bringing a gun to the graveyard meeting because he’s a bad ass. I’m a democrat so I’m not all about guns—- but that’s hot.
I have a gun in my hat
- I don’t like when Mona wears a hoodie— that means trouble.
- Rosewood is falling apart apocalypse style and Spencer and Butt Chin are having sex. Like really? I mean I get it, but there is other shit going down. I guess teen sex trumps everything.
Let’s do it
Juliet: I’m glad Falcon Boy and Nancy Drew use a time like this to consummate their relationship!!
-Caleb is smart and bears arms.
My gun is a better idea than this hat
- And message for teens— teen sex is not like Spencer and Butt Chins. It’s way more awkward. There is no soundtrack.
Juliet: Now that Spencer lost her virginity, maybe she’ll stop dressing like a Von Trapp and studying so much.
- Oh that sex got Spencer all riled up! “I am so ready for this to be over”.
- Mona is listening to Rage Against the Machine and is ready for battle. And that mask!?!? GOD WHY IS THIS SHOW SO FRIGHTENING!!??
- Caleb is a super hero! A sexy sexy super hero.
Oh you know it!
- Emily is sleeping at Black Hanson’s caleb and gets a scary call “you have 1 minute— GET OUT!”. Bane just called Emily. Bane is pretty little liar.
Hello, Emily
- Black Hanson has the same shitty painted up boot as someone in the pictures of Maya before she died. HE KILLED HER!! Why is Black Hanson killing his cousin? Was Maya even black? Is that her cousin!? This show is the 8th wonder of the world.
Juliet: Is Black Hanson A or just a crazy black guy in an upper middle class whute suburban town emotionally distraught about the loss of his cousin and sexually frusturated about Emily’s homosexuality? ABC FAM!! I need ANSWERS GOD DAMN IT!
- Caleb is sexy and smart and is going to get Emily— I think? Of course Emily has no cell service
-Emily: ” you scared me half to death:
Black Hanson: “not really— but I will” <— WTF?!?? Who says that???
- So Black Hanson is not her cousin (or some serious incest going on) and he’s pissed at Emily? OH GOD! HE’S GONNA KILL RAGE PAIGE!! SHE’S BEEN KIDNAPPED!!
Juliet: I’m more disturbed by the fact Black Hanson loved his cousin more than him killing her!
- IF THEY KILL OFF CALEB I’M GOING TO MURDER! LIKE BLACK HANSON STYLE!!!
- I’m just going to say it: Black Hanson is a homophobe because he can’t stop killing lesbians.
-I’m so scared and so confused you guys. Were they cousins? Why is he killing lesbians? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!??!
- The PLL’s walk in and no one is there— magic??? No Emily and No More Rage Paige ran out. Everything is moving too fast.
Juliet: I love how Emily left Rage Paige there to die!
- A LIGHTHOUSE?!??! HIDING IN A LIGHTHOUSE?!?!? Oh just get murdered now— prime murdering spot.
- Of course Emily is attacked by Black Hanson and she just tabbed the shit out of him.
- Caleb shows up super sexy, but super late and puts DOWN HIS GUN LIKE A GODDAMN IDIOT!!!
- DID CALEB GET SHOT?!?!? STOP IT !! WHAT?!? AGHHHHH
(I’m just going to write the rest of this in caps!— CAPS LOCK PARTY!)
Juliet: I can’t with this show! It has more suspense than a Liam Neeson movie!
Is that true?
-BUT SERIOUSLY— IF THEY KILL OFF CALEB… I WILL STRAIGHTEN Y HAIR EVERYDAY IN MEMORY OF HIM.
CALEB GOT SHOT!!!! CALEB GOT SHOT!! OH SHIT! (good thing his Twilight extra work is over)
Juliet: I’m crying. Caleb is Hanna’s tur love. Their love is parallel to Jack and Rose’s.
- THESE GIRLS HAVE NEVER NEEDED MORE THERAPY IN THEIR LIVES.
- Spencer feels like shit because Paige Rage is well, No Rage Paige.
- WHO CARES HOW EMILY IS HOLDING UP!!!– CALEB JUST GOT SHOT AND IS IN SURGERY!!
- “Emily I owe you one “- Bane called and said that.
No, but seriously Em… thanks!
- Garrett is free and he smiled a creepy smile.Garrett and Bane are sleeping together. Obviously.
- Mona is talking to Black Hooded Figure and setting up Rage Paige?? IM SO CONFUSED!
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!??! BUTT CHIN BUTT CHIN?!?!?! STOP IT STOP IT!!!
Told you my butt chin and I were super creepy!
IT’S NOT COMING BACK UNTIL OCTOBER 23?!?!? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE?!??!
You guys… I have anxiety because of this show. I need to lie down.
-R
Welcome to the best (errr incoherent?) recap of Pretty Little Liars. Ever. I have absolutely no recollection of what happened last week except Hanna was somehow stabbed, Black Hanson and Lesbian Emily were making out, and ‘A’ is a giant asshole who loves Pat Sajak.
-Hanna is trying to hide her stab wound with her clothes and Wren keeps calling Hanna while Spencer is there— AWKWARD!
- Spencer asks her about it and it’s uncomfortable and Spencer made an unfunny Downton Abbey joke.
- Pastor Ted came over to see Hanna’s mom because the thumb drive that had the videos that ‘A’ took was found in the church.
- Pastor Ted is obviously scheming for some ass.
- Hanna tries to steal the thumb drive and her mom catches her.
- OH IT’S EZRA’S BIRTHDAY—– HE’S 45!!! And he’s writing rough draft emails to Maggie (the girl his mom made get an abortion and break up with him) and Aria is totally cool with it.
- Lesbian Paige is not Rage Paige anymore, and Emily admits that Black Hanson kissed her.
- Aria wants to get in touch with Maggie which is an awful idea, but she’s going to do it anyway and that will be funny because it will blow up in her face.
- CeCe is at school hanging up posters about a “trunk show”. What the hell is that? CeCe is shocked that Emily is a lesbian and cuddling up to “pig skin”.
- Turns out Allison hated Paige… PAIGE IS ‘A’!! RAGE PAIGE!!! In a flashback, Allie just called Paige a “no neck bitch”. BAHAHHAHAH! WHAT?!?!?
- Rage Paige looks at Spencer deviously—- she’s going to murder someone.
- AGHHHH CALEB!!!! Caleb and Hanna are pretty much sexting over instant messenger and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve seen all day.
Will you sext with me later?
- Not Blind Bitch Jenna interrupts because she’s rude.
- Black Hanson is very upset because Emily doesn’t like penis— or his penis. And nice native american sweater.
- Aria is finally dressed appropriate and went to go see Maggie behind Ezra’s back. She’s a sucky girlfriend.
- Spencer tells Emily all about Pig Skin and “no neck bitch”. BAHAHAHHA! Emily is very defensive about this.
Her neck is kind of non existent.
- Hanna is talking about the thumb drive to Not Blind Bitch Jenna. Jenna is ignoring her and apparently now she is def.
- Black Hanson is stalking Emily. And Hanna tells her that Emily is homo and his response is “I thought it was about the person not the equipment” BAHAHHA this episode is hilarious.
Wait… what’s a lesbian?
- Now Black Hanson is shouting things like “Don’t pretend you didn’t see me” to Jenna. He’s out of control.
- MAGGIE HAS A SON!!!! MAGGIE HAS A SON!!! EZRA HAS A KID!! EZRA HAS A KID! AHHHHHHHH!!
- Allie is a giant bitch and basically made Rage Paige come out of the closet. I hope Paige killed Allie. What a bitch.
- Rage Paige is telling Emily that she should trust her friends— she’s a murderer.
- Ezra’s more age appropriate brother is talking to Aria, and Aria tells him that she went to go see Maggie. Aria is dumb.
-Spencer is changing and for some reason there is a giant snake , a non habitant of Pennsylvania, is attacking her in the dressing room. What the f**k? Oh apparently Spencer said the word “snake” to Emily when talking about Rage Paige.
- Spencer is the smartest of them all…she knows that Paige is obsessive and probably a killer. Spencer is convinced that ‘A’ is Paige and I’m on this train.
- Aria is realizing that she should just date Ezra’s brother because oh well… I don’t now?!?!? He doesn’t have A KID!
- Why do the girls keep changing in the dressing room of death!? Oh thank God it’s just Caleb grabbing Hanna to have a quickie in the snake filled dressing room. God, I love him.
- ” I need to touch you”— CALEB STOP!
- I don’t understand this clothing event with CeCe at all…. and Paige is there because she’s going to murder them all.
- Spencer of course is Nancy Drew-ing it up and going through Paige’s things and Rage Paige and Emily see this and now Emily is all raged up.
-Spencer got whatever she was looking for but I have no idea what it is. (an earring? I’m so lost)
- Emily is comforting Paige and Paige tells Emily the entire Allie story aka she admits that she hated Allie’s guts AKA MURDERED HER!!
-Oh Paige is in tears and I feel bad for making fun of her ever-changing hair-do for months. (PS her hair is different this episode too).
- Emily gets so much action on this porch— it’s like a sex/therapy vortex.
- Spencer is all over Paige being ‘A’ because of whatever she found in her bag.
- AHHHHH Not Blind Bitch Jenna tells Emily “be very careful who you spend time with Emily, very careful”.
- Paige sees SPencer calling Emily and ignores the call—- SHE’S GOING TO MURDER YOUUUUUUU!!
Paige is one scary bitch!
- Black Hooded Figure is jamming to some tunes and OMG THERE ARE TWO BLACK HOODED FIGURES!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?!?!
AHHHH Next week is the summer finale and thank God because this is the point of the show when I have no idea what is happening because I zone out for long periods of time.
-R
Pretty Little Liars: Emily Is Confused, Hanna Is Bleeding & Black Hooded Figure Loves Wheel Of Fortune
Posted on: August 15, 2012
Welcome to the most incoherent Pretty Little Liar recap. Ever. Enjoy!
- Hanna is moving crap around her porch with her mom and she finds a letter to Emily from Maya. It somehow proves she new Garett killed Allison. This show jumps to conclusions and I’m confused.
- Maya wrote the letter the day she died. *gasp*
{I never get tired of this theme song FYI. Fun fact about yours truly.}
- Ezra is impressed that Aria brought bagels to his house and Aria is not impressed with Ezra anymore because his Mom paid his high school girlfriend, Molly, to get rid of a baby and break up with Ezra.
*scoff* I hope your Mom offered Maggy and I the same amount of money
- Aria just can not get over this thing. Ezra throws her not telling him about blind Jenna and ‘A’ in Aria’s face and that shut her up!
- She’s aggressively toasting a bagel— the bagel has nothing to do with it.
HEEEEEEY! Don’t hurt that bagel
- Hanna is hopped up on caffeine and watching Maya videos. (dead Maya, not singer Maya)
Hey. Remember me?
- British Dr. Wren runs into Hanna and Hanna tells him they can’t kiss on the mouth again because Spencer is her BFF. UMMM SPENCER WAS ALL UP ON CALEB’S SHOULDER/ELBOW THE OTHER NIGHT! And not to mention Spenc likes to make out with her sister’s fiances.
Don’t forget about me.
- Spencer wants to go to Maya and Emily’s lake spot to snoop around.. she’s Nancy Drew again.
- Butt Chin Falcon Boy is not being nice to Spencer and this is stressing Spencer out.
- Oh good Lesbian Paige is back and surprise, surprise— she has a new haircut. Bitch gots a weave!
- Aria’s mom is being courted by the sexy cafe owner and they’re making out in the classroom so of course Aria walks in. Sexy cafe owner’s name is Zach.
- Aria is obviously attracted to Zach. Anyone with estrogen and a hoo hah would be attracted to him.
- Is it just me or has Aria’s mom developed a snaggle tooth? It’s not just me.
- Hanna printed out pictures from Maya’s website and now she’s Nancy Drew.
- Hanna told Emily that Caleb knows about ‘A’ and now they secretly have to date. HOT.
- Maya has a lot of “myspace” photos of herself at Noel Kahn’s cabin.
- Noel and Spencer exchange some witty, sarcastic and rude banter to each other in the halls. They discuss Maya and how he hooked her up with weed. I forgot Maya was a pothead. Drugs are bad kids.
- Black Hanson (aka Nate) is back and invited Emily to a concert because he still thinks he can turn her straight because Not Blind Bitch Jenna turned him down. Black Hanson has issues with females clearly.
- Black Hanson is giving Jenna gifts now? What the hell is this? I hope the gift Black Hanson is giving her is some poison! Let’s just spread the rumor that Jenna is racist— now that she can see color and all.
- I don’t know what Emily’s text said to Spencer— she’s probably spreading the rumor that Jenna is racist. Good for her.
- Aria’s Mom is a serial dater. She’s a maniac with this online dating. What a whore.
- Lesbian Paige can’t swim because she’s failing Math and now she wants to take woodshop…. something like that is happening. Emily invites her over to watch a movie. Do these kids ever have homework?? Oh and now they’re making out—– maybe that’s why you’re failing Paige.
- Emily has on white pants with a black stripe down the side… hideous. Just wanted to mention that.
- Spencer is Nancy Drew-ing something. She’s in the boys locker room and naturally going through Noel Kahn’s stuff. She can pick locks now (girl is resourceful). Spenc gets caught in there while boys come in change— she’s peeping some peen.
Shhh don’t tell.
- Hanna and Emily break into the Kahn cabin to get some clues on Maya and of course there are security cameras. These girls are not smart.
- Spencer is still trapped in the boys’ locker room? And of course Noel catches her and she just runs out. Very bizarre.
- Aria and Zach bond while at the coffee shop and it’s evident that Aria is more suited for Zach than her mom. AWKWARD!
- Hanna and Emily find a secret door/passageway at the Kahn cabin and probably dead bodies will be found there. Or just someone camping? BLACK HOODED FIGURE?!??! No Maya’s purse? YES! Hanna finds a pocket knife with the initials ‘LJ’.
- Hanna also finds a bus ticket meaning Maya never left Rosewood.
- AGHHHHH SOMEONE’S IN THE CABIN! All the doors and shutters closed!! ‘A”S A GHOST!!!!
- Emily and Hanna are screaming “who’s out there?”, “what do you want?”. Ghosts can not speak!
- Spencer gets a message “is this what you were looking for?” and it’s video of the Kahn cabin? Yes. It’s from the night Maya died.
- Of course Hanna and Emily’s phones are not working. Emily is bad ass bitch and takes an ax to the door and Hanna is profusely bleeding from the leg. WTF??! I mean, they can’t kill Hanna off, right? I won’t watch. She ruined her pepto bismal pants.
someone stabbed me!
- ”Saving you for later- A” is written on the door in red (Thankfully not Hanna’s blood)
- So Hanna is bleeding out because of her “stab wound”. What is Emily talking about? Who stabbed Hanna? THE GHOST?!?!?
- YESSSS!! Dr. Wren is stitching Hanna up in her kitchen. It’s like the start of a bad porn movie.
- Dr. Wren just schooled us on antibiotics— don’t take them on an empty stomach (true story because I almost vomited in the street the other morning because I did the exact same thing)
- Black Hanson needs to cool it with his feelings for Jenna and Emily. He’s blaming it on the fact that he’s sad Maya is dead.
- Emily makes things worse for Black Hanson and gives him Maya’s hoodie. Now, he’s crying— good job Emily.
- Oh god are they gonna kiss?!?!? Emily needs to calm her hormones!
- OHHHHHH SHIT! Lesbian Paige sees Emily making out with Black Hanson— fire in her eyes. Paige is going to try to drown her again. She’s kicking trash cans. Oh no. This can’t be good.
- Emily is the worst lesbian ever. Seriously.
-”Sorry not feeling well- Paige”. AKA Sorry no movie night WHORE BAG!!!
- Ezra and Emily are having a movie night (seriously.. on a school night? No homework?) Ezra is in a bad mood and is “tired”. SICK BURN!
- Ezra has been googling and says he found Maggy. Maggy is probably ‘A’.
- Spencer is still watching that security camera from the Kahn cabin— it’s called fast forward Nancy Drew.
- Finally, she sees Maya peddle up on her bike. And something with the time stamp says Garrett had nothing to do with Maya’s death.
- Aria’s mom stops in the cafe to see Zach and she’s wanting some loving from the youngin’. I’m over this storyline. I don’t care anymore.
- Hanna’s wound is seriously debilitating her. Good thing Wren is there to make it all better. I mean, if Caleb is away— she should just kiss Wren a few times. It’ll be okay.
- Lesbian Paige is being cold to Emily and it’s pretty obvious she saw Emily kiss someone without boobs. This is super awkward, but it’s swim practice so the show must go on.
- Why is it taking the girls 48 hours to watch this Maya video?!?! FAST FORWARD!! You see Noel and Jenna (who was apparently still “blind” at this point) kiss and go into the cabin and then Maya come out from her little den on the side of the cabin.
- The video shows Maya getting grabbed (so the killer is not Noel or Jenna or Garett because they all have alibis) AGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
- Black Hooded Figure is lining up all his Black Hoods and watching Wheel of Fortune. BHF is a 75 year old woman.
SUMMER FINALE IS ALL OVER IN 2 WEEKS!!! #betrayal! God this show is so intense. Has it won Emmy’s??? It should.
-R
Pretty Little Liars: Caleb Can Kidnap Me Any Day And Pastor Ted Is Probably ‘A’
Posted on: August 8, 2012
Welcome to PLL “recap”, and I use that term very very loosely because this is definitely incoherent and through the eyes of a 25-year-old who has no business watching this show when I should be out doing adult things— like getting drunk and screaming at the Olympic games on the TV’s in bars.
Anyway, a lot of shit went down last week and I honestly can’t remember so go HERE to refresh if you must. Let’s get into this weeks shenanigans.
- Aria is the weirdest dresser ever.
- Maya had the same stamp on her wrist that Holden (the cage fighter with a heart condition) had. I don’t know what that means, but it’s apparently a big deal.
BUM BUM BUMMMMMM!
- Spencer forgot to apply to college and got a B on her homework. She’s freaking out and referencing Scooby Doo.
- The Allison look -a-like dumb girl invites the girls to a party at U Penn so Spencer can flirt with him/ sleep with him to get into college. I think that’s what’s happening here.
- OH NO! The police are at Hanna’s house and are asking for Hanna’s blood sample. COURT ORDERED! NOOOOOOOOO!
- Hanna’s mama calls Mrs. Lawyer Hastings because there is trouble.
- SLOW MO ACTION WITH HANNA AND CALEB STARING AT EACH OTHER DOWN THE HALL! I love them so much. His hair has a little less shine and I think it’s because his song is playing in the background.
- Caleb passes off the log in info for Maya’s website and this is their foreplay. So. Turned. On. By. Him.
- “The Apple Rose Grille at closing time. Go alone or Caleb pays- A” <– if ‘A’ hurts Caleb— I’ll cut ‘A’.
Don’t hurt me.
- Emily is a super lesbian and wearing plaid while talking to Paige, who literally has different hair every scene that she is in. I thought she had bangs last week?
-Ezra was fighting with his brother Wes and I assume it’s over their bitchy mother who offers money to their girlfriends to go away.
Hi. I’m Wes.
- OH SNAP! Aria just comes out and tells Ezra about his mother’s money offer.
- Ezra seems shocked that his mom is a giant bitch and he keep lying and things are shady. Basically Ezra is super poor and his family hates him because of that. He has to buy back some car that he sold and I don’t really care about this sub-plot.
I look great instagrammed
- Wren is blowing up Hanna’s phone and she is ignoring that shit. Rude.
- Emily’s outfit is even more super lesbian because she has converse to go with her plaid. At least she dresses better than Aria.
- Hanna told Emily all about the Maya website/videos— totally killed her Paige buzz.
- Pastor Ted is just all up on this show and flirting with Hanna’s mom again. HE’S SUCH A MAN WHORE! A JESUS LOVING MAN WHORE!
Remember. Jesus loves you
- I don’t know what “despondent” means and they said it about 4 times.
- Spencer is asking Aria for fashion advice which worries me.
- Spencer of course looks ridiculous at this party and is defending Jason to Allison 2.0.
YOU don’t like my outfit?
- THE U PENN PARTY IS AT NOEL KAHN’S CABIN!! They sounded shocked— so I guess I should be shocked too.
Hey, Brah! I’m a douche.
- THE STAMP!! THE STAMP!!! THE STAMP!! AGHHHHHHHHH!!!! THE F**KING STAMP!! THE STAMP IS BEING USED AT NOEL’S PARTY!!
(I think that’s the reaction the writers wanted)
- Freakin’ Noel Kahn— I knew it! Hot and probably a murderer. He did date Mona. (I wonder if there are conjugal visits in mental hospitals?)
I miss Noel
- Emily is back at home and watching Maya’s website. This should be good for the healing process— totally healthy.
- She’s gently caressing the computer screen and weeping.
So sad.
- Eric Kahn looks exactly like Noel Kahn. Probably the same actor. Tough times in America on the job circuit.
- Everyone is circling around Eric and CeCe (Allison 2.0) while they play a game of ‘Truth’. Exciting.
- Hanna’s mom lays down the info on the blood test to Hanna. Hanna’s mom calls Pastor Ted to have dinner.
- Noel Kahn struts in with non blind bitch Jenna, who should still play the blind card because her outfit is atrocious.
Heeeeey. Love is blind
- Hanna goes to the grille and Caleb is there and says “I’m A”. WHAT THE F**K?!?!?
What’s up.. I’m A
- Caleb was just kidding about the “A” thing and wanted to talk to Hanna. He’s smart. That was kind of romantic. I’d pretend to be a sociopath to get close to Caleb.
- KISS HER CALEB! Or actually— Hanna let Caleb kiss you!
- Aria and Noel are playing a game of truth and Noel keeps asking about teacher relationships and Aria keeps asking about him murdering Emily. Rude on both accounts.
- Not Blind Jenna is sitting there all not blind and being an asshole! I HATE HER!! This is a f**ked up game of Truth, which by the way isn’t a real game.
- Aria called Ezra and Wes answered and Wes is more appropriate dating age for Aria and he’s kind of cute.
Hi. Wes again and totally more age appropriate
- Hanna’s mom is having dinner with Pastor Ted and he’s getting her drunk. Not very Jesus-y of him.
-Clearly Not Blind Jenna and Spencer are playing the game of Truth and this is bullshit because people CAN ALWAYS LIE!!! I mean for God’s sake the name of the show is PRETTY LITTLE LIARS!!
(I have never hated anyone more in my life than Jenna)
- Wes comes and picks up Aria. This isn’t going to go well.
- Caleb and Hanna are passionately fighting and I think these two should just do it! YAYAY! Or kiss passionately. Why isn’t it pouring rain?!?! I love them.
- Can Pastors have sex? If they can he totally want to get it on with Hanna’s Mom.
- Pastor Ted is the make out king. I just grossed myself out.
- Wes, Ezra’s brother, is ‘A’. HE HAS TO BE! ” So he told you about Maggie”. WHO THE F**K IS MAGGIE?!?!? I think Wes just admitted that their mom killed someone named Maggie. MRS. FITZ IS ‘A’!!!
Hi I tell family secrets and my name is Wes
- Emily and Paige are the moodiest lesbians I know. PLL give lesbians a bad name— I’ve never seen such angsty lesbians in my life.
- Aria goes to Ezra and wants to discuss Maggie. WHO THE HELL IS MAGGIE?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON!?! Oh he got someone pregnant while he was in highschool and the situation was handled. Why is this such drama to Aria? I mean, unless Mrs. Fitz killed this girl Maggie, then I don’t see the issue.
- They just won’t stop playing Caleb’s (Tyler Blackburn’s) song.
- Spencer calls Butt Chin Falcon Boy and says she misses him. That Butt Chin is being a little butt head.
- Spencer got into U Penn— let’s hope ‘A’ doesn’t kill her before the fall.
- Black Hooded Figure rented an apartment from a cat lady, so ‘A’ will probably kill and eat the cats.
Whew! At least Spencer got into U Penn and Caleb and Hanna are making out again. That’s all I need.
I believe there are only 3 episodes until the mid-season break and I need that because this show is too much for my nerves.
PS Totally missed crazy ass Mona this week.
Catch ya lata, bitches (just kidding)
-R
What happened last week? Well, let me tell you— ‘A’ is still a giant asshole and plays with dolls. That detective is a douche. Some blonde girl looks like Ali and is annoying. Emily’s lesbian friend, Paige, got roofied. Jason 2.0 was drinking and driving. Mona gave the girls a password.
- The girls can’t figure out the password that Mona gave them… CALL CALEB! CALL CALEB!!
Call me… maybe??
- Emily is playing a straight girl and hanging out with Nate… aka Black Hanson.
- Ways of cracking it?? Oh, I don’t know… CALL CALEB!!!
No. Seriously… call me
- No one likes Aria’s dad, Byron. He’s still just as annoying as when he was all upset his daughter was sleeping with a teacher. Oh and his mistress now works at the highschool. Perfect.
- Emily is telling Black Hanson “Maya stories” and she’s wearing a silly fedora. Oh… she’s so hetero.
- Did Emily just tell Black Hanson she’s sees ghost? Not really a turn on.
- Black Hanson wants to kill Garrett.
- Aria bursts into Ezra’s apartment shouting some sort of kinky sex thing and his mom is there. Classic.
- Ezra hates his mom, so this is going to be a great visit. Ezra has Mommy issues.
I hate my mom.
-Hanna and Spencer are really bad at cracking the code in this website…. CALL CALEB!! WHY IS THIS NOT THE MOST OBVIOUS SOLUTION!!?!?!
-Finally. Spencer is the smartest person ever… she suggests Caleb.
Hey Caleb! We need you!
- Sexy Brit doctor, Wren, texts Hanna and says “we need to talk”. YES, SIR DOCTOR!
- Butt Chin Falcon Boy swoops in (CAW CAW!) demanding to know where Jason 2.0 is.
My Butt Chin and I are pissed
- Butt Chin is very concerned about the drunk driving lie that Spencer and Jason told the cops. He needs to stop being such a goody too shoes.
- Lesbian Paige is fixing her bike and Emily wants to explain why she was drugged.
-Hanna and Wren are chatting and I don’t know what they are talking about (moving Mona, I think?) but I believe anything he says because he is British.
Trust me. I’m a doctor.
- AGHHHHHH!! CALEB CALEB CALEB!! Caleb struts into the coffee shop looking like nothing but a goddamn fox with silky smooth hair.
Hello. I’m back.
- Caleb sees Wren and of course assumes Hanna is with him. I need Caleb and Wren to mud wrestle. STAT! <– see what I did there? Doctor joke!
- Caleb of course is driving a sexy new car. My new theory?? He’s a superhero
- Spenc just comes out and asks him about breaking into the website… she’s doing it kind of a flirty way and that Nancy Drew Bitch better back up!
Hey there, Caleb!
- Caleb is down to help because he still loves Hanna. And have I mentioned he’s a fox?!? My god he just got hotter.
- “Mona’s almost gone. Hanna’s next- A” <— text from ‘A’ to Specner. OH HELL TO THE NO!
- Hanna is really concerned about giving the po po a blood test… very dramatic.
- Emily is just laying her shit on the table to lesbian Paige. She needs to stop talking so much. Lesbian Paige said Emily was with her part of the night Emily blacked out.
- Aria and Spencer loo through Spenc’s Mom’s lawyer stuff and see a witness who was going to be called for the case, and they are obviously going to go talk to the guy.
- Lesbian Paige is telling Emily how she drunk kissed her… and Paige needs to stop being such a creepy Lesbian. She’s kind of a stalker. She’s ‘A’.
- Wren is trying to stop crazy Mona from being transferred because he’s a nice guy and he likes when the girls come in and bother Mona.
- Aria is talking to some guy at a movie theater named Bart and that was the name on the witness list. BUM BUM BUMMM!
- Caleb is breaking into the website and some adult contemp pop tunes are playing in the background. Spencer better back the hell up and stop seducing my man!
- Caleb is dressing all nice or something and Spencer has her hands all on his arms. WHAT IS THIS BITCH DOING?!?!
- I honestly just zoned out and have no idea what Bart said to Aria, but the camera zoomed on her face, so it was serious business. I promise to pay attention from here on out.
- Okay.. it’s taking Caleb 19 hours to break in. What kind of hacker is he? A hot one and Spencer knows that so in a slutty manner hugs him. WHAT A TROLLOP!
- The website is of Maya reading some poetry and then doing black magic. What the hell?
- Aria is finally wearing appropriate clothes for Ezra’s Mom’s gala/event/par-tay! Ezra is OVA- IT!
- Ezra is basically made of money, but chooses to be poor. He’s an idiot.
Okay… my live feed went out so I missed a little chunk, but it wasn’t because I wasn’t paying attention.
- Black Hanson and Emily are chatting by the lake and I don’t really know what they are talking about. Emily is obsessed with her drinking problem and that’s all I’m getting from this.
- Ezra’s mom is basically a giant bitch. She’s ‘A”s Mom. She offers Aria money to break it off with Ezra.
- Ezra just bitch slapped his mom. (figuratively speaking)
Don’t bitch slap me, son.
- Annnnnd we are still on this Emily/Paige storyline. NO ONE CARES! Kind of symbolic they are by a pool. Remember when Paige tried to kill Emily in the school pool? Ahh good times.
- And now they are making out.
- Byron is trying to talk to Aria about her Ezra problems and it’s awkward because Byron hates Ezra.
- HANNA SAVES THE DAY! Mona gets to stay and she kisses Wren. WTF?!?!
- Back to the website and it’s a bunch of videos and it’s basically Maya and Emily flirting on camera.
- Hanna clicks on one more video and it’s Maya Blair Witch style. Emily isn’t answering her phone because she’s skinny dipping with Paige.
- Black Hooded Figure is taking some money of the back and he’s going to MAKE IT RAIN!!
In the previews Caleb says “I’m A” and I’m dead.
WHY IS THIS SHOW SO SPECTACULAR?!?!?
Because I’m in it. *wink*
See you Pretty Little Liars next week.
-R
Pretty Little Liars: CeCe Is Not A Real Name And Pastor Ted Is Getting Some PLL Mom Ass
Posted on: July 25, 2012
Ahhhh! Remember when I promised to recap Pretty Little Liars every Wednesday? Well, that went to shit after two weeks didn’t it? What if I said I was kidnapped by ‘A’? Kidnapped and tortured?
I’m delinquent. I apologize.
I’m a delinquent little liar. A delinquent PRETTY little liar. BOOM! Get it? I’m like ‘A’ except I don’t murder people and I don’t walk around like a black hooded figure because it’s 110 degrees in NYC right now— it’s seriously hot and the fan is just blowing hot air around— useless!
Anyway, I’m not going to bother and tell you what has happened since I last did this. If you’re reading this than you watch this shit show, and basically Caleb left to go be an extra on Breaking Dawn Part II (probably) and ‘A’ stands for ‘asshole’, Garrett is outta the orange jumpsuit because ‘A’ texted Spencer and said he isn’t the killer.
LET’S GO!
- That dick detective is back knocking on Hanna’s door and he’s been a jerk as per usual.
- The detective wants a sample of Hanna’s blood because Allison’s anklet that was handed in by Jason 2.0 and Spencer has the killer’s blood on it.
Nope. Can’t have my blood
- It can’t be Hanna’s blood because Hanna can’t be a killer. I love her too much.
-If ‘A’ even sets up Hanna… I SWEAR TO GOD!!
- There’s a blonde chick in town that sounds a lot like Allison. And of course her name is CeCe (sounds like a stripper) and was friends with Allie.
- CeCe dated Jason 2.0. I hate this whore. And that is the worst name ever. Your parents can’t just put two letter together and make a name. Bullshit.
- So basically Allie was single white female-ing CeCe. Not creepy at all.
- Aria’s mom is going on a date *yaaaawn* NO ONE CARES!
- Spencer of course turns into nancy Drew and is Googling CeCe, some map comes up— I don’t get it.
- Butt Chin Falcon boy pops up and Spencer doesn’t want to chat with him. She’s a wham bam thank you ‘mam kind of girl. (They had Butt Chin sex a few weeks ago if that went over your head).
I have a good haircut now.
-Ohhh Butt Chinn brings up the time he was a suspect in Allison’s murder. AWKWARD! CAW CAW!
TEXT FROM JULIET (Cousin/Revolution-er/Avid PLL watcher/Caleb enthusiast): Toby is full on Falcon!!!!
- Toby is very upset about that church dance business from last week.
That church dance makes me so sad *tear*
- Why is Maya’s cousin relevant? Do they need a black person on this show? Is this affirmative action? EMILY WON’T SLEEP WITH YOU… SHE’S A LESBIAN!!
Hey.. once you go black you never go back!
- Ouija Board.. Hanna cuts herself… “see how easy it’s for me to get your blood- A”… ‘A’ STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE!!
- Why does Aria not know what a Quija board is? This is the one falsehood in this entire show.
- *FLASHBACK* Mona and Hanna playing Quija and this is even more bone chilling because we know Mona is mentally insane and I’m being very literal. The Quija board said Allison was alive. Ooooo spooky!
- Aria is very determined to visit Mona in the mental place and someone broke a potted plant. Rude.
- Jason 2.0 is running all sexy by school and Spencer conveniently comes out. I know these two are related but I kinda want them to make out.
Hey Sexy Spenc— I mean sister.
- Do you sense the sexual tension when she brings up that whore CeCe? Spencer wants to sleep with Jason 2.o Case closed. Don’t need the douchbag detective to figure this one out!
- “everything with CeCe is intense Jason” <— UGH! I’m jealous!
- Black guys name is Hanson? DUH! Who writes this show? They need a new Baby Name Book to name their characters.
Nate. My name is Nate
-No CeCe, Emily doesn’t like Hanson— she’s a lesbian.
TEXT FROM JULIET: “CeCe doesn’t know the first thing about fashion. I bet she can’t even pronounce Rodarte”.
- Why is Black Hanson buying Jenna crap? Does he want to sleep with her?
- I don’t know why we should care about Aria’s mom date. Unless the date is ‘A’ this is nonsense. And by nonsense I MEAN THE PASTOR!!
TEXT FROM JULIET: OMG PASTOR TED!!!
- THERE’S GONNA BE A CHICK FIGHT BETWEEN HANNA’S MOM AND ARIA’S MOM!!
- Aria gets to visit Mona. Easy as pie.
- Mona is still a creepy bitch.
- Black Hanson loves Lesbian Emily. This isn’t gonna go anywhere.
-Why is Pastor Ted on a dating site? I don’t know if Jesus approves of this! And I always pictured Aria’s family Jewish.
-Allison’s dad hates Hanna for “what she did”. What the hell does that mean?
- Okay well since I steal cable from the internet and this is a live stream, my feed is all choppy and I have no idea what Aria is saying to crazy Mona.
- Are they talking about the Quija board??
- Hanna and Aria are sneaking back in the mental hospital because that’s gonna end well.
- So, CeCe is stealing Jenna’s number and threatening her for dating Nate? Who I guess is Black Hanson? I’m just making shit up during this recap… we are calling him Black Hanson from here on out.
Okay.
- Aria’s mom loves this barista. He gave her muffins— they are gonna have sex. Pastor Ted and Jesus are not gonna like this.
TEXT FROM JULIET: COUGAR!!!
- Mona is waiting in the dark for Hanna. Again. not creepy at all.
- I don’t understand why Allison’s Dad hates Hanna. I don’t get it…. CRAZY MONA EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!
- *Flashback* Why is Allison’s Dad yelling at Hanna like a mad man? And why is Jason 2.0 being all sexy in his maroon shirt?
- Okay. Allison’s Dad is mad because she said she “saw Allison” after she was missing. He needs to take a chill pill.
- During the flashback— Mona escaped and now has a car and is driving away. Obviously going to ram into Jason Spencer’s car. JK JK! Jason 2.0 is just drunk driving.
Ridin’ dirtay!
- JASON 2.0 NOOOOO!!!!! He was just drunk and Spenc is gonna be a pretty little liar and save him from a DUI.
- Okay Mona didn’t take the car— she’s wandering the mental hospital which is not as safe as it sounds.
-Oh good– Mona might be in the children’s ward.
- Spencer needs to tell Butt Chin Falcon Boy that she loves her brother Jason 2.0 AND THE DETECTIVE NEEDS TO STOP BEING SO GODDAMN NOSY!
TEXT FROM JULIET: This show legitimately gives me nightmares!
- Why is Butt Chin all of a sudden being so noble!? He has a butt chin and is a falcon; those things combine equal bad ass who lies to the police! DEAL WITH IT!
- Hanna and Aria are wandering the mental house looking for Mona and someone is humming. KILL ME NOW! I’M NEVER GETTING TO SLEEP TONIGHT!
- MONA IS IN MY NIGHTMARES!! “Miss Aria you are a killer not Ezra’s wife!” <– WHAT THE F**K?!?!?
Mona is playing with dolls and that is why this photo is relevant
-”No one to save Allie from evil” – Mona
-Aria just called her mom a slut. Okay.
- Spencer is still worried about school (stupid French exam)
- Mona was spitting some riddles and Spencer cracks it and it’s some website with Maya’s face asking for a password.
- WHAT’S THE PASSWORD!!?!??!
- Black Hooded Figure is playing with dolls. He’s a homo. A psychotic homo.
CALEB IS BACK NEXT WEEEEEEK!!!!
Sup ladies!
And then Juliet and I sent simultaneous texts to each other:
Rocco to Juliet: CALEB IS BACK NEXT WEEK!!
Juliet to Rocco: CALEB RETURNS NEXT WEEK!!
Shocking that we have similar DNA isn’t it?
Hmm not really.
-R
A Recap Of ‘Pretty Little Liars’ Through A Text Conversation: BITCH CAN SEE!
Posted on: June 14, 2012
So, remember last night when I made an announcement that a Pretty Little Liars recap was coming shortly since I always tell myself that you all sit and wait anxiously at your computers for said recaps?? Remember when I lied and sat at the restaurant I work at for 4 unnecessary hours just because I wanted to flirt with a boy?? Inappropriate when it’s PLL night. I apologize.
And since I’m making it all up to you (because you care so much about my recaps, right? RIGHT?!?!?) I will let you into a personal text conversation I had about PLL with my dear cousin, Juliet (follow her on Twitter because she’s as funny as I think I am, and way more stylish as I know I’m not).
This is the actual text conversation… swear to Oprah:
Jul: Please tell me you watched PLL!!
Rocco: No yet! Tonight!!
Rocco: So good?
Jul:So cray!
Jul: Sex scene between Spencer and Falcon boy. CAW CAW!
Rocco: Caw f**kin’ CAW!
Jul: Caleb has perfect hair and Hanna is anorexic.
(Editor’s note: I should have reacted more to that statement– I love Hanna. I hope she’s okay)
Jul: Ezra and Aria are boring. Emily is still an alcoholic.
Rocco: I love Emily’s alcoholism.
Jul: It’s such a comic relief.
Rocco: OH GOD! SO GOOD!
Jul: Caleb might fight hot British doctor!!
Rocco: OMG. That is gonna turn me on.
Rocco: I need to go watch this show. I’m current sitting at _____ bc I have a crush on ___ who now works here.
(Real names/places have been left out to protect my identity. I’m sure I have stalkers, right? RIGHT?!?!)
Jul: Are you working or stalking?
Rocco: Stalking.
Rocco: I’m shamelessly flirting with him. I’m smitten.
Jul: Snap a pic of this dish toting hottie!
Rocco: By the way, this is going to be my blog/recap of PPL if I don’t watch it tonight.
Jul: OMGGGG “BITCH CAN SEE!!”
Rocco: BAHAHAHHA! I knew she wasn’t blind
Jul: Best line of the show.
Rocco: Ugh! Ps I’m still at _____. I’m obsessed apparently.
Jul: You’re an obsessed school girl and I don’t hate it.
Jul: Gimmie more details….
(I’m clearly leaving out the details of said guy because he has not fully signed up to be featured on The Revolution as someone I put on blast unlike my parents, best friends and now cousin.)
Jul: Also, I just realized 93% of crazy revelations that occur in PLL take place in the school bathroom or the cemetary. Why was this not my childhood??
Rocco: Bahahah I wanna live in Rosewood.
Jul: Are you just wasted at _____ on your night off? Please say yes.
Rocco: I’m not drunk, but I’m wasting my time and have SO MUCH work to do. This is why I can’t date boys because I get MUCHO distracted. (working on my Spanish for obvious reasons)
Jul: Leave now. But only after you slip him your number and say “Call me…. maybe”
Rocco: LMAO!
Jul: I have a way with men.
So… long story short. I didn’t watch Pretty Little Liars last night and I missed a sex scene between the Butt Chin couple…..
CAW CAW!
…..And I really hope British Doctor, Wren and hottie tottie Twilight extra Caleb duke it out— shirtless.
I’ll fight you.
Fine. But first lets take off our shirts.
… And I knew Blind Bitch Jenna was always Not So Blind Bitch Jenna.
hehe just kidding guys. I drive cars too.
Thanks Jul for the PLL recap and man advice.
If you all want more of that, remember to follow her on Twitter.
-Rocco
Pretty Little Liars: BITCH CRAZY!
Posted on: June 6, 2012
Of course we all know Mona is a crazy bitch….
….and shockingly there is another “A” running around. OH GREAT! THE MADNESS NEVER ENDS!
-Rihanna ruins everything for me. Even Pretty Little Liars. I don’t like that her song is playing at the top of the episode.
OMG REMEMBER MYA IS DEAD!!!
dead
-The girls had a great summer; Spencer taking college courses, Aria is now Tyler Shields (a photographer if that obscure joke went over your head), Hanna is still a moron and my favorite and Emily built houses and developed a drinking problem.
I just did a keg stand and am upset about it
-OH NO THE PHONE GOES OFF! “Show me your boobs- A” <— funny “A”.
-Emily really does have a drinking problem and is super sad that Maya is dead. She didn’t get over that during the summer? Weird.
-Why is it always stormy in Rosewood?
-Emily disapperared because she’s a drunk and is standing over Ali’s grave with a shovel BUUUUUUUUUT the grave has already been dug up. WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS TOWN?!?!
Ali’s gone.
-Someone used Spenc’s phone to call Emily. IT’S A SET UP! <– Spencer said that.. I don’t know what that means.
*gasp* a set up!
-Emily wears lesbian plaid now.
It’s because I’m drunk
Is Caleb coming back? I miss him and his hair.
Miss you, boo!
-Nerdy Lucas apparently had anorexia over the summer because he now is tiny and resembles a mouse.
I’m a killer now!
-I’m already dying to know who the new “A” is!
-It’s 10 mins in to the premiere episode and the girls are pretty and lying… GOD THIS TITLE SPEAKS THE TRUTH!
-Oh Aria is still with Ezra and they are celebrating their one year anniversary. Remember the bathroom scene? Me neither. I’m traumatized that I didn’t fully experience high school like Aria did.
Remember the time I banged you in the bathroom? Good times.
-Hanna got a haircut. I forgot to mention that before.
-Butt Chin Falcon Boy is still in the picture and he is dating Spencer.
-Hanna lied to Spencer about going to see Mona in the psycho hospital.
-MONA LOOKS CRRRAAAZY!
I’m crazy, bitches
-Emily is really mourning the death of Maya. And really has an attitude with her mom.
-Hanna is reading fashion magazines to comatose Mona. Mona is actually being a great actor… EMMY! Hanna shouldn’t get so close to Mona– I’m afraid she’s going to stab her.
-HOT DR. WREN IS BACK!!! His accent may have gotten hotter. And Mona is still crazy.
That’s right, I got hotter.
And I’m still crazy
-BUT CHIN FALCON BOOOOOY!! he spent the summer at the gym and trying to bang Spencer. How do the two of them kiss when their chins are butts? Don’t the butts hit into each other?
Im back!
-Butt Chin is obviously a homo because he’s a teenage boy and just turned down sex.
CALEEEEEBBB! He got hotter this summer and his hair got shiner and more perfect. Love him. So much more.
You’re welcome, America
-Harry Potter joke and Lucas is acting like a goddamn weirdo!
-The girls can’t fund Emily… she’s obviously drinking
Behind the school… duh
-WHY DO THEY GO INTO THE BATHROOM!! THEY ALWAYS HAVE DRAMA/DEATH /GIRL FIGHTS IN THE BATHROOM!
-Black Hooded Figure attacked Aria in the Bathroom
-”BITCH CRAZY!” BHAHAHHAHA BEST LINE OF THE SERIES!
(sorry about the caps lock party)
-”A” is now apparently “unknown”.
- Melissa is a Hastings… but also probably a murderer.
- Aria’s Mom is totally down with her underage daughter banging her teacher and she is getting a divorce from crazy Byron because he doesn’t think is daughter should be able to bang Ezra. This family rocks!
- Butt Chin Falcon boy is just lurking around and enabling Emily’s alcohol problem. Okay actually they are just becoming friends again, but the lingering alcohol problem is my favorite part of this season so far.
-NOT Blind Bitch Jenna (I’ma genius) left town.
Im not blind… told you!
- “What kind of SICK person would do something like that?” *holds hands to head in crazy manner* God this episode is funny. Butt Chin Falcon boy took some comedy improv classes this past summer.
- Spencer of course goes back to “A”‘s lair because she’s f**king crazy.
- Caleb saying the word “intimate” is the hottest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.
Is this hat intimate enough for you??
-And Sexy British Doctor Wren calling Hanna is pretty sexy and hot as well.
-Dare I say it?? Caleb has some competition for Hanna and I’s heart.
WHAT? Say it ain’t so!?
- Emily is just talking about how she can’t stop drinking. GO TO REHAB!! Shit just got real. Forget “A” killing people and taking the body… Emily has a drinking problem.
-Spenc is sitting in the lair like a crazy person and talking to “unknown” (“A” 2.0) and the police want to talk to Aria. DOES IT EVER END!!
- Ezra shows up at the po po station and thinks everyone is “passed” him sleeping with an underage girl and now Ezra, Aria and her Mom are going out to dinner. He’s funny.
-Hanna’s still going to visit Mona and Mona is going to break out of her comatose state and stab Hanna. HANNA RUUUUUNNN!!!
- Mona smiles like nothing is wrong. Wow. That is f**king creepy. Oh and she hallucinates Ali in the room—- she’s healthy.
I hallucinate too
-Who is this semi sttractive man in the orange jumpsuit? IS THAT GARRETT?!?! I like his new hair cut. He’s “Unknown”— MYSTERY SOLVED! That’s not true.
Like my new haircut?
-Garrett knows who took the body. Probably Not Blind Bitch Jenna because yeah that’s right BITCH CAN SEE!!
- Emily is running… see’s a car and freaks out and then gets a text “I bet you remember me” <— I don’t remember that, so this is lost on me.
-Emily’s flashbacks mean absolutely nothing to me… this is all shit.
-Hanna’s all “hey ps I’m hanging out with Mona”.
- The girls conclude that Mona had a besties helping her with “A”. I’m gonna try to call her “Double A”. “AA” just put pictures of the girls at the dug up grave all over the car.
“AA” is such an asshole!
” Mona played with dolls… I play with body parts. Game on , bitches -A”
AHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS SHOW!!!
Welcome back to The Revolution and my incoherent recaps that come 24 hour after the fact. It’s even better when you relive it Revolution style, isn’t it?? See ya next week…. unless “AA” kills me because remember… Bitch Crazy!
-R
Pretty Little Liars: Psssh! I Knew Who “A” Was All Along And The Girls Obviously Never Saw ‘Psycho’
Posted on: March 20, 2012
(editor’s note: I know this is a day late and anyone who cares has already seen the show, so I apologize. But read it anyway because I’m asking politely and I throw my very own caps lock party)
I have successfully accused everyone on this show for being “A”… we find out who the bastard is tonight!
*gasp*
Let’s find out who it is. I mean, we know it’s not Caleb. His smile is too pretty and his hair is too shiny to be such an asshole. And ‘A’ is a giant one.
Let’s go! (PS If they even find out who ‘A’ is during a school function a la a dance…. I’m gonna be ‘A’ and kill the writers of this show because there are way too many school functions!)
Oh and let me just say I called that Jenna was a not blind bitch from the very first day. I’m a genius.
Okay… really. Let’s find out who this bitch is:
- OH shit! I forgot Garett got arrested… thank Oprah for “previously on”‘s.
-Melissa is such a bitch… SHE HAS TO BE ‘A’… and she’s obviously carrying a demon baby.
-Oh and she’s an idiot because she thinks Not Blind Bitch Jenna is actually blind.
- Only murderers eat ice cream when murder is being discussed.
-’A’ sent them invites to a costume ball. How cute. DANCES!
- Spencer says something about playing hide and seek with Melissa as kids and she always won. It must be hard knowing your sister has the capability to kill someone.
-Spencer is still worried about being the smartest person on the planet. Her priorities are all screwed up.
- HAHA! Mona just called her Jenna “blind Jenna”. Love it!
-Ohhh bitter Mona. Is she ‘A’? TELL ME!!
Hanna is asking why she’s lying?? Well, it’s because you’re pretty.
-Aria admits to banging Mr. Fitz…adorbs. It didn’t happen in the bathroom like we first thought. Kind of romantic.
-Spencer finds a pen and is Googling shit… Nancy Drew is at it again!
- Brilliant idea.. let’s go into the creepy hotel. NORMAN BATES ANYONE?!?! Do these morons watch tv?? Apparently, not.
- The girls mention Vivianne Darkbloom and Norman Bates acts like a weirdo.
- Hanna dramatically falls into the mud and it has nothing to do with the plot, but it’s funny.
- Oh I guess it has something to do with the plot BECAUSE THESE GIRLS ARE MORONS! Hanna is taking a shower…. HAS SHE NOT SEEN PSYCHO!?!
- Someone breaks into the room while Hanna is in the shower… it’s obviously Black Hooded Figure coming to murder.
- Surprisingly the girls didn’t get murdered last night and Spencer nicknamed her and Aria’s spy skills “Sparia”.
- Black Hooded Figure is of course watching the girls through a whole in the wall. HAVE THEY NOT SEEN PSYCHO!!
- I don’t know why Butt Chin Falcon Boy is copping an attitude with Nancy Drew. He needs to relax. CAW CAW! Stop being such a douche with a hole in his chin. Move on, Spence…. you have a higher IQ than him.
uh uh girlfriend
- DR. Sullivan?!?!?! I thought she was dead?? Why is she calling Butt Chin?
- Oh and god what is Not Blind Bitch Jenna doing walking around sans her walking stick.. OH BECAUSE SHE ISN’T BLIND!! She’s meeting with someone int he woods and she’s fugly without her glasses.
- “They’ll all be at the party… you know what you need to do” is what Jenna says to her mysterious friend.
- Masquerade ball!
- Leona Lewis playing in the background of this scene is disturbing.
- Caleb is creepy and is role-playing with Hanna at the ball. I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM!
- Spencer tells Mona she’s a great friend to Hanna. I don’t care about this… WHO IS “A”????
- Flashback! Mona runs into Alison (dressed like Vivian) at some shop. I don’t care. Take me to present day.
- Oh good… not blind bitch Jenna is at the ball. Thank god she has a mask to cover her ugly face and not blind eyes.
-Oh of course Ezra comes to the masked ball all masked up and creepy.
- While this is all going on… Spencer is going to the hotel to check out room #2 with Mona. MONA’s GONNA KILL HER!! AGHHH!!! Is Mona “A”?
- Spencer is sitting with Norman Bates. This isn’t going to end well.
-And now Lady Antebellum is playing and Aria and Ezra are dancing. In public. Because this is allowed. And now they are making out. This is awkward and illegal. Ezra is gonna get raped in jail by season 3.
- FYI, kids… that little make out sesh is illegal and that relationship would not last in real life.
- “A”s room at the Norman bates hotel is super creepy and has dolls and file cabinets and pictures and newspaper clippings and its way too large to be a hotel room. “A” has a lair.
-Paige is expressing her lesbian love to Emily. I DON’T CARE! WHO IS “A”!!!???
- Spencer is just taking her sweet ass time in “A”‘s lair. She should probably whip out her Nancy Drew finger print kit and star blowing some of that dust shit around. GET SOME PRINTS!
-”A” is unoriginal and dressed as the Black Swan at the masquerade ball. Let’s hope a shard of glass is in “A”‘s belly.
- MONA’S GONNA MURDER HER! I don’t trust Mona… let’s not forget she had her birthday party in the woods and called it Camp Mona.
- A GUM WRAPPER IS GONNA REVEAL WHO “A” IS?!?!?
- MONA IS “A”!??!?!?!?! WHAT?!?! WHAT ?!?! WHAT?!?!? This is bullshit.
Mona is a crazy person?? I mean I knew she was a shoplifter but I didn’t think she’d bitch slap Spencer across the face and then kidnap her. I do like the black hoodie effect though.
- Mona is a crazy ass bitch and asks Spencer to come and be her buddy on “Team A”. I mean, if I was Spencer I’d do it too.
- “You bitches underestimated me” <— Ummm damn straight, Mona.
-Wow. Mona lost Hanna as her BFF and bitch loses her mind….. section 8, right there.
-The girls get there right before Mona kills Spencer and Mona is a maniac and she falls down a cliff. Wow. That was intense.
- How the f**k is Dr. Sullivan alive? I thought the Doc was dead. Well, good thing she’s alive… because Hanna is gonna need therapy forever.
- Everyone is crying. And now afraid because Mona survived the fall.
-She is now in a mental institution because she’s a crazy ass bitch with a personality disorder.
- The voice over of Mona at the end is the best thing ever of this entire series. WHAT A CRAZY HO!
- BUTT CHIN ACTUALLY SAVED THE ENTIRE DAY! EVERYONE’S LIVES! CAW CAW! Long live BUTT CHIN FALCON BOY!!! His butt chin saved Rosewood… I hope you all know that.
You're welcome, world.
- Oh and PS Maya, Emily’s lesbian lover, she’s dead. ABC Family…. what the hell is wrong with you?
RIP MAYA
That’s really f**ked up ABC Family.
I need to go compose myself.
-R
Pretty Little Liars: Jenna Almost Got Re-Blinded By Fire And Butt Chin Falcon Boy Is Angry Again
Posted on: March 6, 2012
If Butt Chin Falcon boy doesn’t ride (or fly?) into this episode on a motorcycle with Caleb riding shotgun… this episode is dead to me.
- The girls are boy obsessed and like the guy who recognized “Vivianne Westwood” and her coat. They of course, badly lie to Duncan. I wish his name wasn’t Duncan.
-Blind Bitch Jenna gets toted around in a Limo because she had eye surgery now AND BUTT CHIN FALCON BOY IS BACK!! His butt chin is more prominent but so is his icy cold stare back at Spencer. What a douche!
- Mona is super BFF and gets Hanna a new phone since she threw hers into a sink when her Mama was questioning too much.
-Emily gets a text from Maya saying she’s ok and not to tell.
- Butt Chin needs to stop helping out the step sister he used to sleep with. It’s just disgusting and rude, but his new haircut looks great.
- Why is Butt Chin Falcon boy being such a bastard? I don’t understand it…. is he jealous of Spencer’s butt chin? Does he miss his swoop bang?? IS HE “A”!???!!
- Jenna has super scent and could pretty much smell Spencer… I HATE JENNA!!
-Aria is sitting down with Duncan who is not cute up close. He looks like a deformed Ken doll.
-Aria has to break the news to Deformed Ken that Allison is 6 feet under ground and he seems sad about this. He’s not “A”.
-Deformed Ken admits to seeing Allison the weekend she disappeared… maybe he is “A”?? GOD I’M SO CONFUSED!
- “Where there’s smoke, there’s payback A” <— not even the saying dumbass! “A” is a moron.
- The fire dept are hanging out with Jenna and Butt Chin and they are still talking about the night she was blinded! THAT HAPPENED A YEAR AGO! GET OVER IT! YOU’RE BLIND!
-Butt Chin sees Dr. Wren and gets mad for some reason. And dumb Jenna has to introduce herself because she’s obnoxious.
- Jason 2.0 says Maya dropped off Allison’s things… and now she’s missing. Jason 2.0 doesn’t seemed to concerned about this and neither do the people who wrote this episode.
- Aria’s Mom went to go talk to Ezra and lay down the law about how she doesn’t really like Ezra and Aria together.
- Aria’s Mom brings up “A” in a roundabout way to Ezra….. OHHH SNAP!
- Mona wants to punch Jenna in the blind eyes. Me and Mona are slowly becoming best friends.
- Hanna is talking to Butt Chin and now he’s being rude to Hanna. “you need to shut up about my sister!” OH NO HE DIDN’T!
- So, what?? They blinded the bitch on accident… Falcon boy needs to calm his wings down.
-Jason 2.0 can not be “A”… he’s too nice. Mrs. Hasting walks in and it’s super awkward because Spencer and Jason 2.0 are sibling bonding.
-Aria is going to meet Duncan. Let’s hope he doesn’t kill her. Duncan is a pilot. <— the writers got fancy with that character detail.
-ARIA IS A GODDAMN IDIOT AND GETS IN A PLANE WITH DUNCAN! Has she ever seen a movie where the killer crashes the plane he’s flying?? Well, neither have I, but she’s still a moron.
- Duncan is peer pressuring Aria into flying the plane and now he’s talking about Ian.
- Ezra is not taking the job in New Orleans that Aria’s Dad set up for him to get him away from Aria. BOO YAH BYRON!! BOO YAH!
- Spencer and her mom has a conversation and I wasn’t paying attention.
- Hanna comes and tells Spenc about Butt Chin and how he’s a douche bag now.
- The newspaper that Allison’s stuff was wrapped in is highlighted in specific places.. OHHHH CLUES!!
- Hanna goes to get the stuff from Jason 2.0′s porch that Spencer put back and she hears a crash from inside the house and Jenna is bleeding from the eyeball. MY GOD!! Now, I feel bad because Jenna almost got blown up in Jason 2.0′s house.
- Once again… the girls are gonna get blames for shit! This time it’s arson.
- Jenna went to Jason 2.0′s because he texted her and told her to come over. Someone other than me wants to burn Jenna alive.
- “I woke up and couldn’t see”<— umm not shit Jenna… you’re blind.
-Jenna is shocked that Hannah saved her.
- Jason 2.0 says he has no idea why Jenna was in his house. I believe him and his great head of hair.
- Jenna wants to talk to the girls because she thinks the girls sent her the text… OH STOP YOUR CROCODILE TEARS!! Can blind people even cry?? She’s faking it.
- Why did she save you Jenna?? BECAUSE HANNA IS THE NICEST PERSON ON THIS PLANET… and my favorite pretty little liar.
- The creepy music box goes off because “A” is a ghost! AGHHHH!!
And of course the episode ends with Black Hooded Figure being creepy in the dark with a police badge. Oh good.
And just for good measure… I want to make sure you saw this…
Nothing good can come of Black Hooded Figure having a cop badge and nothing good can come from someone almost setting Jenna on fire…. again.
We find out who “A” is really soon… thank god!
-R
