Posts Tagged ‘Voldermort’
If you’ve been around here the past few days (which you totally should have), you might have noticed that The Revolution has not been updated.And because it has not been updated— you all should have been stressed out, super sad, and on the ledge because you have not been able to read my witty words every day. No, you say? Well, that’s rude.
Anyway, The Revolution has decided to take an extended holiday break, and with that I can get re-inspired by consuming too many calories and pretending my hour at the gym a day really negates the fact that I ate an entire bag of Hersey Kisses.
I’ll be back a little bit next week (if celebrities decide to give me a lil something, something— Come on guys!!), but definitely back in full force, in 2013, so get ready bitches!!! (and by bitches, I mean friends, families and Revolution-ers). I’m sure super excited things will be happening— so exciting I can’t even put into words.
But until then— Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Merry Christmas and Happy Winter !!
And just because I can….
I don’t know about you people but when I picture Ralph Fiennes, all I can picture is Voldermort and that’s all I want to picture. I mean, this is the first time in years I even called the man by his birth name— I call him Voldy, because that’s who he is.
Anyway, Voldy doesn’t look like that. Imagine Hagrid and Charles Manson fell in love and had a baby, that’s what he looks like.
Where’s the commune, Voldy?
This needs to end. I need him to shave his head, walk around in a robe, and if he can remove his nose because this is more disturbing.
WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?!?!?
I just hope it’s about a wizard and some guy without a nose.
I just felt like posting that.
I’m watching Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 1 at my parents house as I moved The Revolution offices there this weekend and I just need to say that this movie is intense. Voldermort is such a bastard. Such a jerk!
Anyway, Mumford & Sons (all accompanied with their noses) played a show (or a few shows) in Canada. In between the maple syrup drinking contests and Justin Bieber fan tours, the guys put on great shows and here are some videos, because they are too brilliant not to share with the world. Seriously. They are so good it hurts me.
The foot stomping in “Roll Away Your Stone” at the 3:24 mark, shakes my soul.
“Below My Feet”
“White Blank Page”
“Nothing Is Written”
“Dust Bowl Dance”
“After The Storm”
“Little Lion Man”
The vest is spectacular.
I recently re-watched PS I Love You and it reminded me that Gerard Butler used to be good-looking,and by good-looking I mean a straight up sex pot. Remember a month or two ago when he looked like he was dying because a death eater sucked the soul out of his heroin ridden body??
Well, good news!! Voldermort counteracted that curse and he’s looking like the exact opposite of the corpse above.
Gerard is on the cover of LA’s Confidential magazine and he looks good. Whew!
See?? He no longer looks like the potato famine is getting the best of him.
Edit: Apparently, he’s Scottish, not Irish. Just replace my awesome potato famine joke with a historically accurate Scottish plague and we’re good.
Who knew Draco Malfoy looked so good in muggle clothing???
FYI, I’m literally just going to post pictures of Tom Felton. There will be no discussing of this interview because he pretty much just talked about being a British actor and how he loves Daniel Radcliffe.
See? Not worth discussing. But these are….
Oh he’s so stressed in that last one! It’s probably because of Voldermort.
Harry Potter is over, and we are all in therapy because of it.
Oh is that not true??? Maybe it’s just me.
Anyway, JK Rowling wrote multiple endings for Harry Potter and like the majority of writers (and yes I throw myself in the same category as genius JK Rowling) the alternate endings are always sucky and involve birds who used to be our wives.
Seriously. Voldermort was really Benjamin Button, Ginny Weasley was going to become a bird or something, and Harry Potter was going to give birth to a Satan baby who crushed candy with his bare hands. Something like that.
To the Forbidden Forest
Harry marched toward the field where Voldemort waited with his pack of Dementors. Harry’s scar burned brutally, saving him the pain of thinking too deeply about his decision, likely to bring him nothing but death.
What special evil, what deadly and devious spell had the Dark Lord prepared for Harry’s destruction? Voldemort had hunted after Harry for more than a decade; doubtless Voldemort would arm himself with a special curse far more powerful and final than the Avada Kedavra which had failed to kill Harry as a child.
Harry was terribly right. The Dark Lord, in his clearing in the Forbidden Forest, was preparing a charm as devastating as Harry feared, and far more horrific. As Harry marched to this fated meeting, Voldemort passed his wand among the icy Dementors, commanding each to lay their Kiss upon it.
Voldemort, in those pained, lonely nights of his exile and recovery, had conceived of a way to hurl a Dementor’s kiss from his wand, the kiss that would take away the soul of its victim forever. And now he would blast Harry with hundreds of them. Voldemort’s reward would be greater than watching Harry’s burial. He would have Harry frozen in place, Harry’s living being encased for eternity at the moment of Harry’s ultimate humiliation and defeat, a terrifying monument to Voldemort’s victory for all to see for all time. Voldemort’s joy rose with every Dementor’s kiss to his wand.
Harry could feel their grave-like cold as he approached and the pull of their despair. It was hopeless, and he was helpless in the face of it. And he knew it.
But then, Harry felt the presence of a young man and woman, though he could not see them. These two ghosts lovingly held his body up and raised his spirit. It was, he was certain, the last remaining life-force of his parents, making one last sacrifice by joining him on his final journey. He allowed himself a moment of peaceful happiness, feeling them so close.
Then he stopped. Harry shivered with a deep chill of recognition. They were not his parents. They were Voldemort’s: the young Tom Riddle and his bride who, for this occasion, had taken back her beautiful maid’s countenance. They said, using no words, “Our dearest son, we will not allow you to be harmed.”
Were their words for him? Or for Voldemort? Somehow, it didn’t seem to matter – they seemed so kind when he needed nothing more at this moment than a parent’s love.
Harry, and the two warm spirits becoming more visible, approached the edge of the swirling crowd of Voldemort’s followers, who parted, preparing to give the victim an easy corridor to his doom.
Voldemort’s wand had returned to his white, skeletal hand. The Dark Lord pointed it confidently to where Harry would surely emerge from the crowd, not yet to destroy Potter but to hold him while he prepared to give Harry an oration on the eternal punishment about to strike him.
Voldemort laughed when Harry stumbled through. But when the Dark Lord saw the specters of his parents, he howled as if cut in half. With his furious heart in flames, Voldemort immediately unleashed the deadly Kisses, bellowing, ”Oppugno Mortimbessios!” And all the vile terrors of the Dementors, in an unstoppable flash from his wand, rushed toward Harry and the spirits at his side.
It was only a hundredth of a second for Voldemort’s curse to reach Harry. But somehow the world seemed to slow down, the Earth ceased to rotate; all on the planet held still, though Harry was aware he was free to move. Harry had planned every shield charm for his defense, but all now were clearly useless. Harry found himself unable to do more than calmly bend to one knee and bow his head, preparing to accept the force of the blow and his death and end.
As he kneeled, in that quiet moment outside time, the two shadows flew from him toward Voldemort. And Voldemort changed. The Dementors’ chill wind, and Time, moved backward; and there was Voldemort, growing to his younger, more potent, frightening self.
The curse struck Harry’s scar, obliterating it, then, in a loud roar, he felt the crushing pain of his skull opening, and then the shrieking curse rushing from his head – back toward the wand that sent it.
As the curse turned back toward him, Voldemort continued to grow younger still, until he was a little child again with his mother and father at his side. When they realized the full force of Voldemort’s own spell was about to strike him, his parents put their reassuring arms around their son to protect him from this ultimate blow.
And then it struck. And now the three entwined souls, Tom Riddle, his wife and young child, would remain forever entombed in that one moment, never able to leave.
And never wanting to.
Hogwarts AD 2130
The headmaster, his stringy white beard uncombed and his wrinkled, bald head topped by a drooping wizard’s cap, looked with wistful gratitude at the empty picture frame he’d convinced the Ministry to put up, despite their reluctance. He knew he’d soon be residing in that little square etched with the name, “Harry Potter,” separated from Albus Dumbledore’s only by the portraits of Headmistresses McGonagall and Chang.
The old wizard could hear below the school abuzz with preparations for his 150th birthday. He shifted Ginny, a bird of paradise, to a perch nearer his desk. His wife, rather than grow old, had turned herself into this beautiful bird, but still insisted on giving un-birdlike advice. “Harry, dearest, you can’t miss your own birthday party. And it’s so lovely outside.”
Indeed, the summer day had brought out scores of picnickers who had come to set their baskets and blankets out near the warm light cast by the living statue of the happy family with the little child. No one but the old headmaster knew who was encased in that glowing sphere. When the Dementors were released from the spell of Voldemort, they, and indeed every wizard excepting Harry and the shade of Albus, were cleansed of all memory of the Dark Lord. Now, after more than a century, curiosity about the family in the statue had long ago ceased. Harry had simply ordered a plaque placed there. It said only, “Riddles.”
“I will go,” he told his feathered wife, “but I have to keep an eye on the boy for a bit.” Harry’s great, great grandson, not yet able to walk, silently played on the rug with his chocolate frog. Then suddenly, in inexplicable anger, little Tom crushed the candy animal. Harry watched this, and knew the whole world would soon darken again for generations to come.
And with one sentence the end of Harry Potter could have become a PSA for Plan B. The Republicans would have really hated that.
I saw the final Harry Potter movie last night, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Deux last night and it just breaks my heart that it’s over. I went through puberty with those books and I feel like Harry did too. This is my recap of that (of my experience seeing the movie… not going through puberty. That would be weird.)
Things that have nothing to do with the movie:
1) Me and Anna (co-worker and waitress extraodinaire) legit drop checks on bitches and got them out of the restaurant at 11:00PM, so we could make it to the 12:30 show. We were not f**king around. Harry Potter is reason enough for people to starve late at night and not eat Italian food.
2) Cor Cor (roommate extraordinaire and bartender star) met us at work, and we rounded up our $1 bills like strippers and went to Duane Reade to get snacks.
3) We bought way too many snacks. Like waaaaay too many. I had 3 gummy worms and 2 Snicker fun snacks and I was done. Our kitchen is now full of treats that will last us 6 months. I think we though we’d be eating our feelings throughout the movie.
4) During the movie…. the couple sitting next to Cor Cor were having sex. Oral sex, but sex. I’m not even kidding it was very disturbing and even though there was a seat in between us and the fellatio-ing couple, I’m still worried I have an STD. WHO DOES THAT AT A HARRY POTTER MOVIE?!?!?!? Classy.
(don’t worry Mamadukes and world… I won’t portray that with an image)
5) I’m writing this to avoid folding my laundry.
Now Things That Have To Do With Harry Potter:
- HARRY POTTER IS THE BEST!! He’s such a bad ass action star and he’s like 5’6. Tom Cruise can suck it. <– with the teenage couple sitting next to us.
- I want to make out with Ron Weasley. So so bad. I said, out loud, multiple times that Ron’s a sex pot during the movie.
- Hermione Granger is beautiful.
- Dumbly is pretty much Jesus Christ. That’s what I learned during that King Cross scene (hope that didn’t spoil it for anybody, but those who know what I’m talking about get it). That’s what JK Rowling is trying to tell us right??? Oh good.
- Voldermort needs a Valium. He needs to relax and take it down a notch. He’s so high-strung and I think it might be because he had a botched up nose job.
- Neville Longbottom got kind of attractive in that I’d only date you if you help me pass my accounting exam.
- Harry Potter and Ginny Wesley have the shittiest on-screen chemistry I’ve ever seen. USE SOME TONGUE GINNY! Your kissing your boyfriend who’s about to get shot with a green light from a noseless psychopath… make out like a real person. <— again, ask the couple sitting next to me.
- That f**king goblin is a little bastard and I’m happy he got wanded in the face!
- Severus Snape is the greatest person to ever live. Who is Jesus’ second in command?? Because that who Snape is.
Long story short…. the movie was brilliant. I can’t believe it’s over and I can’t believe a decade has gone by. Some say Harry Potter is a waste of time… I feel like I’m accomplished.
I’m seriously considering tattooing Wingardium Leviosa on my body. Would you or would you not date me if that was a permanent fixture on my body???
Go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II and don’t buy too many snack (you won’t eat them) and don’t sit next to the couple swapping secretions, it will distract you from the fantasy of swapping secretions with Ron Wesley.
(I’ll always be here to gross you out and be inappropriate…. think of me like the resurrection stone)
Omg. It’s almost all over. In less than 2 weeks our worlds will feel empty from the lack of Harry Potter. *sob*
Cant his movie win an Oscar?? How do we get that to happen?? Voldermort’s face should at least win something because like I said before, it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.
Get your tickets people. July 15 is rapidly approaching!